INDECISIVE ✔️

CHAPTER 5

I couldn't find Nate waiting outside their home building like he normally does. I had to walk alone, worried about what could have happened. He said he was running few errands today does that includes him skipping school? Nate never skips school. I texted him a while ago to ask why he wasn't at his waiting spot and if everything was okay and he had replied with everything is fine but that still does melt my worries away.

Getting to school, Stella and Joy were waiting at our usual spot. Stella smile widen upon seeing me and pull me in for an hug.why was she touchy? She must be in a good mood. "What's up?" I ask,quirking a brow in confusion. "The seniors in Olivesfield are throwing a party! And guess what?! we are invited " Stella swirl, getting all excited. Nate attends Olivesfield. If the seniors are having a party then... Nate would be there. Oh shit! I have nothing to wear. "Erm. What are they throwing a feast for?" I ask, very intrigued by the idea of attending a party with Nate's group of friends. I've never met any of his friends and since we're a thing now... I should be introduced to them right?. "Jude told me the seniors are done with their final exam. I guess the party is a celebration" Joy explained. We were back to speaking terms as our fight doesn't normally last a day. We always sort out our differences. Jude is Joy's cousin and happen to attend same school as Nate. I couldn't totally register what she meant by final exam and celebrations or I could and just didn't want any of it to be true.

If they were throwing a party, it's means their senior school years have come to an end and they'd be getting ready for college. College? Oh my god! Was this what Nate meant by running few errands?why didn't he tell me? A pang of hurt and pain hit my heart but I pretend not to be fade by it. "It's kinda insane! We just resumed and like a dream the seniors are done with exams. Soon, we'd be in our second semester and finally get done with highschool ourselves" Joy says with dreamy eyes and Stella giggles. "Ah, yes. And then off we go. To college"  They keep going on and on about how much fun our final year would be while I stood there, pretending to be excited when all I felt was pure hurt. "When is this party?" I manage to ask even though the words sounded choked in my ears. "Friday. After getting all high and knockout, we have the weekends to our massive hangout and no worries about school. Isn't it brilliant?" Stella body moved with each words she said, her hands flying around her. She seem so excited about the party. "Are you okay?" Joy asked me, looking worried.

"Why won't I be?" I questioned even though all I wanted to do was scream and hit something. "You're awfully quiet, which is so unlike you " She pointed out and both girls stare at me in confusion. Okay.. now I feel like crawling into a hole and hide. How could I tell them of my make out with Nate just yesterday? Or how we started dating and he never told me anything about signing out or soon going off to College? How could I explain the hurt and betrayal I felt for the secrets? "Uhmm...." I stare at both girls whose eyes were fixed on me. I forced out a nervous laugh "Am just so nervous about the party. I don't even know what to tell me Mom" I didn't totally lied. My mom would skin me alive if am to tell her I was planning on attending a party of thinking of it. And yes, I was nervous because I knew Nate would be at the party and I still could take in everything. Him professing his love and suddenly... He'd be off to College. And when he gets to college, he could meet someone and fall in love then I'd be left with Nothing!

I really want to throw up right now.

"You're overthinking. I'd call you Mom and tell her we're studying together for our oncoming exam.. it's Monday remember? Am sure she'd buy it and she never says no to me anyways " Joy shrug and Stella clap her hand in excitement. "Since all is settled, why don't we all go shopping after school? Am sure none of us have any skimpy dress to wear" She suggested. Joy roll her eyes "It's just a day party! Am sure we could always find something in our wardrobes" Joy clarifies and she was right. I didn't have much clothes but, I was perfect at combining.

The bell rang ,indicating the beginning of class and do I want to be anywhere but here? Hell yes. I haven't even begin my day and I already feel sick. Exam on Monday which luckily Joy reminded me of since I totally forgot after thinking of Nate all day. And then the makeout which keeps eating me up since I haven't shared it with my friends and another huge bomb! Nate was going to college sooner than I've thought. Why wasn't I in my final year? I wish I was also done with high school so we could go to same college. Nate had loved me for who I am , he had loved my clumsy and childish self and I don't know if he'd keep liking all that when he get to college. What if he sees me differently; "She's just so immature and shapeless like an amoeba. I wonder why I'd keep her around for long?" 

Oh my god!!!

I can't live without him, I love him so much.. and it's scares me but I can't help it. He invade my mind, my dreams and at times, I feel like I hallucinate about him when I just keep mistaking him for everyone. What am I going to do when the only guy I have ever loved and I'd always love ends up leaving me?

I really need to talk to Nate. We have alot to talk about. I needed assurance that everything won't change.