Cartmans POV: I'm like, so seriously pissed off right now. I just finished my second day so school and it's just my gay ass friends bullying me. First, Kyle and Stan got mad when I said they were gay for each other. Then Kyle and Craig called me fat, and Mr. garrison took my KFC breakfast away and sent me to PC principal. I'm like, so sick of being the victim of everyone's shit.
"I find it extremely offensive that you would use the word, 'gay' as an insult, that is very derogatory towards to LGBT community" yelled PC principal
"Yeah but they were body shaming me you fucking asshole" I snapped
"Oh, well in that case I guess we'll just send you back out to lunch."
"Ok but I am sick of this scewl! I just want to be left alone with my KFC, but the stupid Jew always has to ruin everything for everyone"
This devolves into me and PC principal yelling, but there was one thing I remembered that he said, "maybe you should go talk to Kyle one and one."
The more I thought about it, the more genius of an idea it became. I went to lunch that day and told everyone about how sexy girls think I am. They all rolled their eyes and called me fat but I know they're just jealous.
I go home and play video games, contemplating whether or not I should actually go talk to Kyle. The next day, I actually end up doing so, and I go to knock on his door after school.
"What do you want fatass?" He says looking dissapointed to see me.
"Well PC principal says I have to talk to you and resolve our differences or else I get detention"
He stared blankly at me, looking kinda annoyed
"So... I just wanted to say, it's obvious I'm way hotter than you, and that you're gay for Stan and jealous of Wendy."
Before I could continue, he slammed the door in my face. That's ok though, I'm going to tell PC principal I tried to work out our differences but he was being completely unwilling.
Just then, I have the best idea. I start running to Kenny's house to tell him of my new plan.
