Under Chateau Lights | Complete

41 | You May, On One Condition

"Christian?" I blurt, when I'm finally close enough to see that he isn't an optical illusion. "What are you doing here?"

"I saw the picture. I saw the picture and I thought... I don't know. That you couldn't possibly be with him. That maybe"-he looks at his shoes-"maybe you wanted to see me. And then Elodie called and-"

"I did want to see you. That's why I went to see you."

"I mean after all that. I didn't handle it very well."

"You handled it so much better than you should have, honestly. I was just. My actions were inexcusable. Have I mentioned that I'm sorry?"

"Once or twice."

"Well, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"You were thinking you never got any closure after you ran away from him. And you needed to figure that out for yourself."

"You figured that out a lot faster than I did."

"I've been your friend more than half your life."

"You're right. I needed to do a lot of things for myself. And I was scared. I mean, you're so capable at, well, everything. And I worried what I would become if I let you take charge of everything."

"I'm not that capable and definitely not good at everything."

"Well, that's what it felt like. And I convinced myself I wasn't meant for you because of what it would be like to be so in the spotlight. But that's not forever. At least I hope not."

He shakes his head. "Not forever. One more season."

"No! I'm so sorry. I did everything I could to fix that horrible mess." I move to hug him, but stop myself halfway, hugging my arms around myself instead.

"It's not that, Jules. You did good. And the doc gave me a clean bill of health, as you can probably tell." He pulls me in closer to his chest and kisses the top of my hair. My arms relax and I gingerly let them wrap around his back. "No, my contract with the team is up at the end of this season or next-I can't remember-and I think maybe it's time for me to do something else."

"Something else? But football is practically who you are. What will you do?"

"Maybe I'll coach. Maybe I'll lay low for a bit or start an ice cream store. I really don't know yet. But I think it's time. I was scared, too. Scared of everything falling for you meant. And scared of asking you out. Worried about ruining our friendship and all that."

"How long could you possibly have been worried about that?"

He just smiles, letting his thumb trace a small circle on my cheek.

"There's no way it's been that long. You did not like me back in school or anything!"

His smile widens and he shakes his head. "Julie, what am I going to do with you?"

"I don't know?"

"I have liked you since the moment I set eyes on you. And I have loved you for many years. I just wanted you in my life more than anything in the world. And I had that. We were the best of friends. But asking you out changed that. I was scared, too."

"Christian Xie is afraid?"

"Christian Xie has had a whole string of publicity relationships and two extremely failed attempts at real ones. And when it comes to fears, Christian Xie has exactly two: heights, and losing you."

"You won't lose me."

"I kinda did."

"But that's because we were lying."