What Is Done

Chapter 3 - Frail and Bitter Memories

I forgot what the warmth of fire felt like against my skin, the tastes of my favorite foods and the sound of my own name in a quiet room. I forgot how to smile and how to love. I forgot what my face looked like in the reflection of a mirror and the names of my beloved siblings. I forgot the calmness of rainy days spent inside reading books. I forgot the coolness of the breezes that blew through the trees and I forgot my attachment for archery and the way I lived for arrows swiftly flying through the air. I forgot who Laverne Ingerman was; I forgot who I was.

I woke up some time after supposedly dying in my father's arms. My mind had been a blank slate. I could not remember anything. Not about my personality, my life or even my own name.

Only when I awakened was I called Laverne.

The name sounded familiar. It was the name my father had called me the night before I died in his arms. His face was the last I had seen. I remembered it clearly. The color of his eyes that my siblings and I inherited from him the color of the sunlit sky. I remember how much sadness they held. It was the saddest I've ever seen him. It was my name, the name he'd given me upon meeting me for the first time when I was only an infant.

My name is the Elvish word for "lionheart". I learned that fact when I was six years old. It was one of the first things my father taught me when he acted as my tutor. He always told me that there was a reason he gave me this name; I was meant to do great things. The Great Fire showed every sign of the fact that he was right. I think a part of me wished he wasn't because it feels like I only became great at the cost of a part of myself. Still, my name belongs to me and only me.

My mind continued to remain a blank slate.

I had been given my name again. It was mine and no one else's. I was told who my mother and father were. I was told the names of my brother and sister. I was told was the eldest prince of the kingdom of Arün, the capital city of a country called Elven Guard. And I was told the names of important people who work and serve within my castle. Some of them seemed familiar, others slipped from my grasp. 

With the new rush of information, I lazily shut my eyes. A single piece of my memory remained in-tact as I began to recall the day before the disaster over time. The names of my siblings and a few other people slowly came back to me. I was suddenly able to recognize them as they stood at my bedside. Their faces radiated a certain warmth that I could feel even with my eyes closed.

For the intervening period that I was comatose for months on end, I was stuck in what I thought was some sort of limbo. For a long time, I was lying in blackness. Then I saw something: an elf child running around, laughing. An elfling chasing a gray cat in circles, the cat clearly indulging the child. The cat and the boy had the same color eyes, a captivating, crystal blue, the same sky-colored eyes that many members of my family had. The boy had light brown hair; the color of sand on beaches, which made him unrecognizable to me. I knew no one who looked like that. Nevertheless, the child seemed to be genuinely happy. He reminded me of how I was as a child, bright-eyed and cheery. 

I wanted to know why I was seeing this. I had assumed I was dead, why did it feel like I was dreaming? Everything was surreal, my line of vision beyond the elf child was blurry as if I were in a drunken haze.

The scene of the elfling kept replaying in my head—like it was trying to tell me something I couldn't quite grasp. There were never any words spoken, just the distorted sound of a laughing child. I couldn't recall any of my memories when I tried, as if my mind would not let me leave the mirage. Eventually, my mind denied access to anything outside of it.

I woke eight months after my father's death in the late winter when my heart skipped a beat and left me gasping for breath, releasing me from the cold, icy grip of death. I'd missed a birthday. Jericho, Khaleesi and Mother had all blown a candle on a small cake out for me. I was a year older and I hadn't been there to celebrate.