TRIGGER WARNING: DEATH, SELF-HARM, SUICIDE.
"Okay ka lang?"
Pamilyar na boses ang bumungad sakin, kaya agad akong umiwas ng tingin nang naramdaman kong umupo sya sa tabi ko at tumingin din sa dagat.
Gusto kong umiyak lalo at sabihing hindi ako okay. Pero mas pinili kong tumahimik kahit may tumutulo paring luha sa mga mata ko.
"Pwede mo namang ilabas yan ng malakas kung gusto mo, that'll never make you less brave." It was Luiz again.
I don't know how he found me here kasi medyo tago 'tong part na 'to. oh right, I forgot kanila pala 'tong resort kaya kabisad nya.
Lalong nag-unahan ang mga luha kong pumatak after nya sabihin yun. Naramdaman kong lumingon sya sakin. Ang akala kong sulyap lang ay napalitan ng titig. Hindi ko alam ang nangyari. Naramdaman ko na lang yakap nya na ko at humihikbi ulit ako. He held my head and placed it on his chest. Nararamdaman ko ang banayad na paglipok ng puso nya.
Mas lalo akong naiyak sa ginawa nya. He caressed my back. Hindi sya nagsalita habang umiiyak lang ako kahit nababasa na yung damit nya dahil sa mga luha ko. Hindi parin sya nagsasalita. Nung medyo humuhupa na ang mga luha at hikbi ko ay naramdaman kong mas humigpit ang mga yakap nya.
"I'm sorry" I said in the middle of my sobs. "Shh, okay lang." He still caressed my back. "It was just my patient." Simula ko.
"Hey, okay lang. I'm not forcing you to tell me."
"She passed away earlier" Pinag patuloy ko parin ang pag kwento ko sa gitna ng mahihinang hikbi ko. I just feel like I need to tell him about Christine, I have permission naman from her guardian after all.
"She took her own life." Niluwagan nya ang pagkakayakap nya sakin kaya kinuha ko na ang pagkakataon para makaalis sa pagkakayakap nya dahil naiilang at nahihiya narin ako sa kanya.
"She has severe depression, and panic attacks caused by her biological parents. Nasa pangangalaga na sya ng Tita nya, kaya pinapagamot na sya. Close kami ni Christine, sweet syang bata. She's just 13 years old."
"I had a promise to her na ipapakita ko pa yung ganda ng mundo sa kanya habang nag t- therapy kami. But she's already there." Tumingala ulit ako habang nakangiti. "I'm sorry, you need to see me like this"
"I'm adoring all the psychiatrists. They're brave, and you're the bravest." Nakangiting sabi nya. "I just realize that you also need accompany, Psychiatrist also need a person who will always be there kapag hindi nyo narin kaya."
"Thank you, Luiz" Tinignan ko sya nang nakangiti.
"Okay kana?" Tanong pa nya.
"Oo okay na. Kailangan ko lang naman sya ilabas."
"Tara na, baka nag-aalala na sila" Yaya nya sakin.
Tumango lang at sabay na kaming naglakad pabalik.
Dinala nya ako sa isang restaurant. Nakita kong nandoon na yung lima, sinalubong ako ni Sai at niyakap. Ngumiti lang ako sa kanya para sabihing okay lang ako.
"Kain na tayo, food are already here." Yaya ni Gab kaya umupo na kami.
Hindi na sila nagtanong tungkol sa nangyari, alam kong alam nila pero never nila inopen yung topic hanggang sa matapos kami kumain.
Dahil gabi narin, naglibot-libot lang kami saglit sa labas dahil maganda sa resort pag gabi hindi lang kami nagtagal dahil mukhang napagod sila kanina sa byahe.
Sabay sabay na kaming umakyat at pumasok sa kanya kanyang kwarto.
Huling pumasok si Luiz sa kwarto nila ni Tristan na nasa tapat lang ng room namin ni Sai.
"Luiz." I called him. He faced me with a smile on his lips.
"Thank you for today." I said.
"You're always welcome." Lalong lumawak ang mga ngiti nya bago kami pumasok.
..............
notes: As per Psychology code of ethics, Confidentiality, Psychologists,Psychiatrist understand that for people to feel comfortable talking about private and revealing information, they need a safe place to talk about anything they'd like, without fear of that information leaving the room.
In short, you CAN'T tell to anyone about patients private life without permission. especially 18 years old and below. you need a permission from their guardians to disclose their case. Confidentiality.
In Christine case here in the story. Her tita or guardian sign a paper that her psychiatrist can talk about her case to enlighten people about mental health. both parties are agreed to it. (medyo spoiler 'to)
Thank you!
©ela
