onism | sirius black

four

4| Crabbe

"There you are," Evan sighed with relief when he saw Asteria sitting on the stairs that led to the Astronomy Tour.

Asteria raised her eyes from the book on her lap with a frown, "What do you mean with there you are? We agreed to meet here and I have been waiting ages for you."

Evan climbed the stairs and sat beside her, "Yes, but everyone is going to that stupid party and I was afraid you were going to go too."

The blonde witch closed her book and looked at her boyfriend with raised eyebrows, "Why would I be going to that party?"

He took her gloved hand in his and squeezed slightly, "I don't know, but your friends are probably there so I thought that maybe they would convince you to go."

"I agreed to meet you here, Evan. You know I would never break a promise."

Evan nodded his head and didn't say anything for a long minute. After spending all his life with her, he knew her better than anyone else. And he knew how faithful Asteria was to her word. She didn't lie nor act behind people's back unless she had to. And when she did lie or break a promise, she would be anxious for days, which was what was happening with her since the day she helped Sirius escape.

"You haven't talked to Regulus yet?" Evan asked, knowing she probably wanted to talk about it.

She shook her head slowly, "I can't. I'm afraid he will hate me, Evan."

"He could never hate you, Asteria. You have been friends for so many years."

She shrugged, "I know, but I was such a terrible friend. He trusted me to see if Sirius was alright and I lied to him. I told him Sirius was gone when in reality I was the one helping him escape. How could I be so stupid? I don't deserve Reg's friendship, not after what I did to him."

"Asteria, darling, that's not true and you know it. Sirius was an ass, like always. And he knew you would help him if he played the right cards," he kissed her gloved hand when he saw her eyes watering, "Honey, you're not a bad person."

"I just- I just wish I could back and be a good friend. That's all," she spoke, allowing her head to fall on his shoulder.

She felt his hand caressing the back of her head and sighed, feeling instantly better with his comforting touch. Truth be told since she helped Sirius that night, she couldn't stop thinking about how she betrayed Reg, one of her closest friends.

Asteria wasn't a normal girl. And that's not exactly a positive thing. She didn't stand out because she had better grades or because she belonged to a powerful family. The reason why she couldn't be compared to everyone else was the fact that she had a demon living inside her head. A demon that made her cry when she was alone and smash plates against the wall just to release some anger. And that demon was herself.

Asteria Seraphina Malfoy was her worst enemy. She was the one who whispered constantly in her ear that she wasn't enough. The voices she heard on her head chased her every minute of her day, even when she talked to people with a smile on her face.

The voices said her grades weren't good enough, she wasn't skinny enough, she wasn't pretty enough, she wasn't kind enough, she wasn't smart enough, she wasn't loyal enough. The witch was a mix of insecurity and fear. She had a demon living inside her, controlling her and making her scream against her pillow when she was alone.

The young Malfoy was perfect in everyone's eyes. The teachers praised her for being the best student in her year. Her parents showered her with gifts for being a perfect daughter. Her friends stayed close to her because she was kind and loyal. Her boyfriend complimented her every day because she was the best thing in his life.