I've Loved These Days: A Billy Joel Fanfic

Chapter 18 - Shades Of Grey

••••
Once there were trenches and walls
And one point of every view
Fight 'til the other man falls
Kill him before he kills you
These days the edges are blurred
I'm old and tired of war
I hear the other man's words
I'm not that sure anymore
Shades of grey are all that I find
When I look to the enemy line
Black and white was so easy for me
But shades of grey are the colors I see
••••

Tuesday, June 15, 1976
Dear Diary,

Can people truly change? At what point do you forgive and move on? And is someone like her even deserving of forgiveness?

xoxo,
Kat

****

My body may have been in Chicago, but my mind was suddenly far away on Long Island reliving the worst moment of my life over and over again.

Sandy turned to me, her face a mix of shock and sympathy. "What can I do?" She sat down next to me and placed a hand on my knee. "What do you need me to do?"

"I don't... I don't know." I shook my head in an attempt to clear the unwanted movie playing within it. "I just need a minute."

It had been years since I'd thought about Elizabeth and even longer since I'd seen her. The last I'd heard, she had moved to New Jersey after she and Jon split, but that was five years ago. I couldn't fathom why she was here in Chicago or why Jon would want anything to do with her after all this time, but it was quite obvious they had reconnected.

"Stay here," Sandy ordered.

She stood up and I watched as she walked away towards the front of the theater. My brain was in hyperdrive and my body needed to move. When sound check wrapped up and Billy and the others headed offstage, I made a beeline for the hallway, praying I didn't run into Jon or Elizabeth on my way. As I rounded the corner by the green room I ran headfirst into Liberty. If my mind had been in a better place I would have apologized, but instead I said nothing and desperately reached for Billy beside him, grabbing him by the arm.

Billy's face was a mix of anger and confusion as I forcefully dragged him away from his band to a secluded section of the hall. "What the hell, Kathleen? Are you okay?"

"Did you know? Did you know she was here?" My mouth was moving a mile a minute. "And he's with her? Why would he bring her here?!"

"Whoa, slow down..." Billy's eyes squinted as he peered into mine. "What are you talking about? Who's here?"

I tried to calm the frantic thoughts running through my brain. "Elizabeth. Jon brought her... He kissed her... Are they back together? Did Jon tell you? Did you know any of this?"

I could see Billy trying to make sense of my rapid fire barrage of questions. "Jon... brought Elizabeth... Like, Elizabeth Elizabeth?"

I nodded. Hearing her name come out of his mouth made me feel sick again. "You have to kick her out. You have to make her leave. You have to—"

"Baby..." He put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my frantic eyes. "Okay, look, you need to stop panicking. I don't have time to deal with this right now, so you need to chill out."

Feeling Billy's touch helped to bring me out of my frenzy. I felt myself slowly returning to the present. Billy was here with me, and he was mine. He was my husband. It wasn't him that I didn't trust, it was Elizabeth.