I've Loved These Days: A Billy Joel Fanfic

Chapter 32 - And So It Goes

••••
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
••••

Friday, February 16, 1979
Dear Diary,

How?? How did I not figure this out on my own?? I am so mad at myself for so many different reasons... I mean, I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have let myself get so caught up in the moment. I should have known this was a possibility... But seriously, after ALL those months we tried and tried... and NOTHING. Of course the one time I DON'T want to get pregnant, it happens.

I'm not quite sure what to do next. I haven't told Bill yet, and I'm not even sure how to... He's still gone on tour, and I feel like this is something I need to tell him in person. On top of that, he just won his first two Grammys last night for that birthday song he wrote me awhile back, and I don't want to take anything away from that. What a mess...

xoxo,
Kat

****

"Can you even believe it?!" Billy's voice was slurred from a long night of celebrating as it came through the phone. "Two! Two Grammys!"

"Of course I can believe it! You deserve two hundred Grammys!"

He let out a wistful sigh. "And for your song, too, baby! I just wish I could have been there..."

Billy's tour dates had conflicted with the Grammys, and there simply hadn't been a way for him to make it there last night. His producer, Phil, had accepted the awards on Billy's behalf.

"Well I'm sure there'll be more. You'll make it there next time." I closed my eyes and let out a small groan as a strong wave of nausea coursed through me. Morning sickness was in full effect and it had been getting worse each day.

"You okay?"

"Yeah..." I lied. "I'm just tired. I stayed up late last night watching the awards with Sandy."

"Baby, I can't wait to get home... Ten more days. Do you think you'd be willing to meet me at the house when I get back? I wanna see you so bad."

I took a deep breath and tried to ignore the churning in my stomach. It was 7AM and I was still in bed, but I'd been up battling nausea for the past hour. "Listen, let me go..." I knew I was only moments away from losing the fight. "Call me tonight, okay?"

"Um... you sure you're—"

I hung the phone up quickly and made a beeline for the bathroom. I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet and then sat there on the tile floor wondering how I was going to explain to Billy why I'd hung up on him.

****

"I don't know how you made it through that trip to Chicago." I nibbled on the corner of a cracker and closed my eyes.

"I didn't," Sandy laughed. "You remember how many times I got sick on the plane? And how I almost hurled all over Vince when he opened the door?"

"I hung up on Bill mid-sentence this morning so I could run to the bathroom. I almost didn't make it."

"You gotta tell him, Kat. You can't keep this a secret. He needs to know."