Y E L L O W_

empty empty empty I

(FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO ROMANTICIZE ANOREXIA)

follow me.

(16.09.2021)

i haven't eaten in four days now and i can slowly feel myself fading away.

the only thing that went into my body were water, coffee, the white monster and nicotine.

my pulse is rising high, whenever i move in the slightest, like getting up, it can measure up to 140 beats per minute.

i feel dizzy. my vision often blacks out for a couple seconds to a minute. i'm tired all the time, but i cannot sleep. whenever i lay down it takes hours until i finally doze off and it never feels anyhwhat recharging. i wake up exhausted.

my legs hurt. i can barely concentrate. i am moody. i feel like crying all the time.

i worked 8 hour shifts in a hospital every single day of those four that passed. went to see he horse 3 of those days which included a lot of walking, excessive workouts and feeling drained.

my stomach stopped growling. i don't really have a sensation of hunger anymore. all i feel is empty and empty and empty.

my knuckels, wrists and collar bones became more prominent. my stomach flattened. i look tired and dead. at least that's what my coworkers told me.

i don't know how much i weight i lost since i couldn't weigh myself for a starting weight. rightnow i'm at 119lbs.

i want to go down.

i feel horrible.

but for gods sake i cannot stop starving myself.

i just want to be so light and tiny that people oversee me.

or that i finally get recognized for not being the big one anymore.