Princesses Don't Cry

~ 23 ~

She didn’t know what to think, her dream was quite vivid and felt so real. She could still feel the touches of the mystery man, and the tongue of the look alike Jacob. She felt weird, but only calm, like it was something that was normal and she didn’t know what to think of that. She knew that she didn’t really have a grip on what life was supposed to be like, after living with her mother, but she was positive it wasn’t supposed to be anything like that.

A breather was what she needed, wanted, she needed to feel the wind flowing through her hair, the room she was in was stuffy and she could hardly breathe in it. She surely was the one going crazy, the excitement of the special day she never got to experience probably going to her head. So she removed herself from the bed, out of Leah’s strong arms, and onto the soft cushion of her fluffy rug.

She had a nerve to slide into the sheets next to her Papa but decided against it, the man had work tomorrow and she didn’t want to be a bother by waking him up with a dream she would probably never experience again. So she began looking for her slippers, picking the fuzzy white bunny slippers that Nurse Taylor had gifted to her, she was sad the woman was too busy to visit her but work was work and she understands.

“Coat, Jacket?” She rumbled around her closet, trying to be quiet, though she doubted Leah would awake since her snoring only seemed to get louder once she rolled over into the middle of the bed, “Coat.” She went with a thick material, she didn’t want to risk getting sick again, she was tired of being bedridden, hadn't even seen Forks besides the hospital, diner, and home, she finally wanted to do something and getting sick would ruin her whole plans.

So with that thought in mind, she wandered down the stairs and out the front door where she sat on the front steps, hugging her knees and looking around at the frost covering the greenery around her. She loves this place better than her old home, it was beautiful, cold and wet, but she didn’t mind, choosing to instead appreciate the fact she was in a home that loved her.

But still in the back of her mind, she wondered what happened, the last thing she had of her mother was a rosary but that was lost forever in the woods, she didn’t even know what happened to her mother, or happened to her. She just remembers hurting her and then herself after a rough night at school, she remembered hurting a lot of people before herself. She felt uncomfortable almost, that she was missing something important, something very important. She didn’t know what at the moment, but had an itching feeling to find out.

She would take a walk, but Charlie doesn’t want her going in the woods. The man was strict about that rule, the man was very strict about her safety and care, making sure that she stayed in bed even when she didn’t need to. He was a blessing, and she thought about thanking god for blessing her with him, but she paused. She didn’t owe that man nothing, at least she doesn’t think she does. He did nothing for her, but then again it could’ve been because she was born out of sin as her mother would confess. She didn’t know and the thought of not knowing why things were happening to her was stressing her out. She would take a walk, but only to avoid what happened last time, she didn’t want to hurt her Papa, or Leah, they were their first everything and she would surely end herself if anything was to happen.

So off into the woods she went, glad that her slippers were outside friendly, because they were getting a little wet from the half melted snow, and she would hate to ruin her new shoes she only wore once.

Straight ahead, no turns

Straight ahead, no turns, she didn’t want to lose her way back home, but she also didn’t want to be near there at the moment, her emotions, draining her. She needed some type of release, choosing to instead toss stray branches and rocks that laid scattered in her path out her way. That somewhat did the job, made her hair act crazy but she felt stress leave her for every stick and rock she chucked, the farther she tossed them the better she felt.