Homecoming - (Part 3 of the Ignaius-Saga)

We are All Monsters

"Variel, look at me!"

The king's voice had lost its hard edge it had carried ever since his conversation with the strange woman. He waited until Variel was able to do as he was told. His voice was soft and calm, yet intense, as he continued:

"We are talking about a bunch of people, who abducted the two of us, tried to harm your family, raped and tortured you repeatedly and was about to kill you - and you are telling me that you are upset, because you maybe accidentally killed them? Your good heart is a blessing, but I think you are taking it too far. I understand that the idea that you killed someone can be scary, but if you did it, these people really have only themselves to blame. And if you are afraid you may have turned into the monster you always tried not to be..."

Tanier sighed and was looking for the right angle to approach this. "Can you honestly say you would prefer to be dead? And if you do, ask yourself, if you would also prefer me to be dead as well. I am glad that it's them who are dead, not us. I am glad to be sitting here, alive and well. I am thankful for what you did. Everything of it. I hope you will not reject what you have done for me."

He was inclined to add "...and for your family and the realm", but decided that this was not what really mattered. This was not about the greater good or any obligations to king or country. It was about him and Variel, not abstract values, but real living, breathing people.

Variel's lip trembled as the tears continued to fall. "N-no, sire... I... I do not regret that... w-we made it out alive. I just... I don't understand what is happening... All that destruction... D-did I really cause that...? If so... wh-what if it happens again... There were probably innocent people caught in that inferno, and... and there could be more next time... W-what if... next time... you're one of them...? A-and what happens when other people f-find out about... about this? Most won't just... pass over it as you have... Many will even call for my death."

The young lord dropped his head, staring at his own lap and the hand that lay in it. "...All living things burn when touched by fire... and things cannot be conjured out of thin air... yet I have defied both of those basic laws of our world... I... i can't even begin to understand how or... or what that means... W-what am I?"

"You are you."

That was the one thing Tanier immediately answered. That was simple. All the rest was a lot more complex. He could tell Variel now how they were all monsters and welcome him to the club, but he was pretty sure this would only make things worse. And the practical question of how to deal with this strange phenomenon was a valid one.

"I think your talents would be best used, if you tried to find out what happened to you and what you are. Experiment! It is something you are good at. At least you keep telling me so. Be careful, the effect could be temporary, maybe a sideefect of the stuff they made you drink. And it may indeed not be wise to advertise this. Not yet. We have time to decide with whom to share this knowledge.

As you noticed correctly, I'm not scared. I can see that this confuses you. But I have seen things much more scary than a hand that refuses to burn. It is actually a lot less scary than seeing scorched flesh, as I may assure you. I know, because I have seen it, smelled it and heard men cry in agony from the pain.

Is this why you never learned how to use a weapon? So that you may not hurt others, not even accidentally? Are you so scared of yourself, so much afraid you may go on a killing spree, if you had the means to kill? And now you suddenly find them in your hands, quite literally. So do you want to hurt me? If not, why should I be afraid? Because of the possibility of a stupid accident? If this were a concern for me, I should never ride again, for my horse may do just that. You should be much more intelligent and considerate than a horse. So again: Why should I be afraid? You already sleep in my bed. If you wanted to hurt me, you had many opportunities to do so.