Homecoming - (Part 3 of the Ignaius-Saga)

At Home

As soon as they were alone, he turned to Variel: "So are you happy to be back home?" He was pretty sure that he was, no matter, if his brothers teased him. It was obvious that - despite everything that made his family resent him - Variel still felt at home in this place. Yet he wanted to hear from the boy himself how he actually felt.

Variel watched his brother go and then turned to the king, clasping his hands before himself. "Happy is... probably not the best word to describe it, but... I am more relieved to be here than I thought I would be. Perhaps it is just that we have been traveling, and... our... ordeal... but I feel safer here." He reached up to comb his fingers back through one section of his bangs, peering around at the room. "I cannot say I am looking forward to enduring my brothers' teasing, but... it is nothing I've not long since grown used to."

Slowly, he walked over toward his trunk to find a fresh pair of clothing that did not smell like horse and dust. "When you speak with my father today, will you... will you be telling him... what happened?" He knew he could not stop that from happening, nor was he going to try. He simply wanted to know what to expect the next time he and his father spoke.

"Probably," Tanier replied. "I don't know yet what it is that he wants to discuss with me." He walked over to Variel, put his arms around him from behind and held him. "If you like your parents to hear it from yourself, you could talk to them now." He just held the younger man, as he wanted the closeness, but didn't want to distract him. It was convenient that he could do so without having to look him in the face when they were talking about a topic as difficult as this one.

Variel closed his eyes and shook his head, leaning back into the embrace a bit. He had an outfit in his hands, and he was holding the folded garments to his chest. "I could not speak of it, sire... especially not to them. I know you told me that I should feel pride for what I did, but... I don't feel proud at all. I feel only humiliation when I think of it..." He dropped his head. "I only wanted to know of how much he would be aware the next time we spoke. I am... certain he will ask about our troubles. He will want to know what's happened, regardless of whether or not I was involved."

"And he does need to know, unpleasent as this may be for you." Now Tanier held Variel a little closer and his one hand went higher, the other lower, so that he was firmly holding the young man at his hips and shoulders. His right hand gently rubed Variel's chest, as he placed a kiss in his neck. "I love you," he said. He could have told Variel that he was precious to him, that he valued him and wanted him to be happy. But 'I love you' was the much better way to say it. He could still spell it out later, if it turned out to be necessary.

Variel laid his head back against Tanier's shoulder while he was held in this manner, and when he heard those three words murmured in his ear, he instantly felt more relaxed. He returned them in a whisper, savoring this moment while it lasted.

He held him just a little longer, then released him. "I'm taking a bath, be right back." A bath would also be the perfect oportunity to collect his mind and get prepared for the talk with Lord Alexton.

Variel watched the king walk off to the adjoining room where a tub and tap waited. He strongly desired a bath as well, and he stood there hovering in indecision for a few seconds. Then, he swallowed his anxiety as best he could and stepped up to the doorway.

"S-sire... m-may i... join you...?" He was clearly nervous, but he was making an attempt. Sure, this could be seen as just a way to save time, but both men knew it was more than that.

"Sure," Tanier's voice came from the bathroom. So much for preparing for the talk. With a little luck and persuasion he may at least have a good reason to not think about Variel's father. He started to fill the tub. It was hewn into a massive block of the same grey stone that the mountains outside and many building in the city consisted of. He had to hand it to Variel's forefathers that they had found a remarkable way to express their connection to this land.

Not waiting for Variel, he undressed and sank into the slowly rising hot water. It felt good to wash off the dust and dirt of the road, even more so as he knew they had finally arrived at their destination and would - hopefully - stay here for at least a few days. He didn't mind travelling, but he had done it so much that it had lost most of its appeal. By now he felt perfectly at home in other people's homes and beds - and tubs.

Variel - on the other hand - had been stationary most of his life, so traveling did not really agree with him the way it did Tanier. He was eager to bed down for a few days, and being at the place he'd spent the majority of his young life would surely make that easier.

Now, however, he was just focusing on undressing. He was slow about it, his fingers suddenly not wanting to work properly whilst undoing buttons. He kept looking over at the king, kept telling himself he needed to just calm down and not think too much. At last, he stood naked in the bathroom, working to control his breathing as he approached the tub. He climbed in, careful while maneuvering around the man already sitting in it. He was shaking slightly by the time he sat down, but the warm water was pleasant and a great relief, distracting him a bit from his anxiety.

It was difficult for Tanier to mostly ignore Variel. Ignore him not like in pretending he was thin air, but rather like in pretending he wasn't interested in watching him. So he started washing his hair. It was on his to do list, it had nothing to do with Variel, it was perfect. When he was done, Variel looked half way comfortable - but still awfully nervous and tense, given the fact that he was sitting in a hot bath.

"What are you afraid of?" he asked.

Variel was in the process of washing his own hair, combing the suds through his fine silvery locks that had started to look a dirty gray from the road. While the king had been focusing on washing to ignore his attraction, Variel was doing so to ignore his nerves. However, when he heard the question, the young man looked up, wet strands of hair flat to his face and streams of water beading down from it. "...Nothing, sire..." he answered, doing all he could to keep his voice from shaking. "Rather... I know there is nothing to fear... i just... I can't help... the way my body and mind react to this..." He lowered his head, concealing his face behind his hair. "...I hate this... I just want to forget about it and... be normal again..."

Perhaps *normal* wasn't the best word to use, but it conveyed his meaning well enough. He'd never been normal, and nothing about what he was to the king was normal, but it was their normality and their imprisonment had disrupted it by scarring his body and mind.

"Maybe it helps to point out that your reaction to the events is completely and perfectly normal?" Tanier suggested. "I understand that you simply want it to be over. This will take some time. I can perfectly understand that you are tired of waiting. So how about we just ignore the fact that your body and mind may not be fully cooperative, but you simply come over here?" He reached out for Variel with his hand, indicating that he wanted the other man in his arms.

Naturally, Variel was torn. He was so often at war with himself, and this was yet another fierce battle. He wanted to go; he truly did. He wanted the king to hold him, to touch him, and to enjoy it all. He recalled how nervous he'd been when he'd first been taken, and that had all worked out for the best. When the sensations had started, his anxiety had faded away and he'd melted. Perhaps that would be what it took, to just make himself do this, for Tanier to push him and remind his body how wonderful this could all feel, remind his head how it had brought him so much happiness where he'd thought he would only find humiliation and frustration.

Variel bit his lip and did his best to suppress his doubts. He moved through the water, taking Tanier's hand and allowing himself to be pulled into the older man's lap. He was focusing on the time they'd bathed before, the first night. Nothing like this had happened in that cell, so there was no reason for his mind to associate it. It didn't completely calm him, but it was helping.

Tanier could see how Variel was struggling and was starting to wonder, if waiting any longer would have a chance to get him what he wanted - or just make him look stupid. Right then he saw that Variel had decided. He could see the change in his face, before he actually started to move. He let out his breath in a sigh, as he pulled Variel closer. He had not really been aware that he had been holding his breath, now he fully realized it. As the boy's body coldied with his, slick skin gliding up his body, and he pulled him into his arms, it became completely impossible to ignore or dissimulate how much he wanted this: Touching Variel again without any limits, holding him again not just for comfort, rekindling their shared desire.