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𝙳𝙰𝚈 𝟿𝟶 𝚁𝙴𝙲𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚈 𝙾𝙵 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚂𝙺𝚈 —nine ||WHEN I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN — SHAKKA|| tw: suicide , mention of drug & alcohol , mention of OD , abuse
||FLASHBACK|| 𝚈/𝙽 𝙿𝙾𝚅:
I WAS PLAYING IN THE YARD UNTIL I HEARD A VOICE. "Y/n! It's time to come back inside" The voice belongs to my mother. I saw new bruises and a hand mark that decorated her legs and face. I didn't ask about them anymore since I knew where they came from. I stood up and walked over to my mother. "Mom"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Why can't we leave?" I asked, she stopped walking. I stopped in my tracks and turned to face her. She knew what I meant and I knew that she knew. So, why isn't she answering my question? Better yet, where is that idiot of a father. Where is my father? He probably went out drinking with his 'friends'. My mother looked at me, I saw tears form in the corner of her eyes. Why is she crying? Did I do something wrong? Is it my fault? Maybe she's crying because it is my fault. "Mom? Did I do something wrong?" I asked her.
Next thing I know my mother was on her knees and hugged me. I felt tears drip down and get my shirt wet. "Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry! I'm sorry... I'm-" I apologized until she interrupted me.
"You didn't do anything, sweetheart. I'm the one that should be sorry. We can't leave and that's my fault, not yours." My mother told me. Can we at least try?
"You can't say that! We haven't even tried yet!" You yelled before I pushed her off. "W-why can't we try?! I don't like it here! I don't like him! I don't like him hurting you! I hate him! I hate him..and.. a-and I HATE YOU! You're my mom! You're supposed to do everything y-you can to keep me safe! That's what my teachers say! S-so why can't you! I'M T-TEN! I'm t-too.. young" My words started to get unclear as tears ran down my eyes. I didn't hate her. So, why did I say it? Why can't a control myself? I'm not in control anymore. I couldn't control anything, it was out of my reach.
♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎
It's been a week. A whole year since the incident. I'm 12 now. I unfolded the paper in my hands. My dad would kill me if he knew I had this. So, I told him that she didn't leave a note. He didn't care much and just told me to get him another beer. Great father, right? Druggie alcoholic, the best kind of father in store.
Hello, sweetheart. I'm happy you found this letter. It's the last thing I give to you. I know this letter won't help but, I didn't want to leave without Saying my goodbyes. I wanted to watch you grow up but life Had a different plan, unfortunately. I hope you know that I'm Proud of you! Very proud. I send my love to you every morning, Every afternoon and every night. I will always love and be proud Of you, no matter what! I wish I could leave you more than just this Letter. But I sadly can't. I'm sorry for not being a good enough mother. I should have been able to protect you but I couldn't. It's my fault, not yours. Don't ever blame yourself. You may don't Love yourself but I'm your mother. And a mother always loves Their child even in the afterlife. I will make sure in another life That you will have a great mother and maybe if I have another Chance to be your mother, I will do better. A lot better. I promise. But, you still have plenty of time. Hopefully, a lot of time to be living. I wanted to watch you marry someone that you love deeply, have Your own family with them. Female or male, who gives a shit? Right? I wanted to watch you find yourself. And I still can but from Afar. From the sky is where I will watch you. I will be hiding around The clouds where you aren't able to see me. I will paint the sky for You. I will give you a sight to see to get your mind off things.
In another life. I promise.
-From your Mother. With lots and lots of love!
I finished the letter and folded it. Tears slipped out as I rested my head on a tree. I looked up at the sky. It had a nice color palette of pink and orange. Two colors my mother liked. She was a good mother. I just didn't give her enough credit on it. I was too young to notice. Too stupid. But it wasn't my fault. I was too young to understand. Right? It was his fault. He was the one to blame. I hope he fucking OD's.
