!TW! : Involves themes of physical and emotional abuse as well as PTSD
"We're all monsters, you know."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, when you look out at that setting sun, what do you see?"
"The sky turns from blue to yellow, just as it does every n...
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~*~
I was very young when my mother died. But all the memories that I still have of her are all ones that I cherish. I remember she would always read me to sleep and always brought home ice cream. She was loving and though she wasn't always kind, she always apologized. When she died, it was like all love in my life disappeared. I stopped loving everyone that I had before. Even my own father. I noticed a change in him the more I stopped loving him. I feel sorry for it, but I don't know if I ever can go back to loving anyone ever again. I don't want to hurt him. That's why I simply can't have friends. Not because I don't want to hurt them, but because I can't love them. And I don't want to be hurt in return.
Those boys say that they want to be friends, but I know that's a lie. They already manipulated me into believing them once. They were trying harder this time, but I believe I passed the test. At least the test for now. I can't help but wonder how long they'll try until they eventually give up and find another helpless soul to pray on. I almost feel sorry for their next victim. Almost. Better them than me.
Lupin returns after a full week of being gone. He looks more exhausted than he was before. His eyes are sunken back and there's a new scar across his neck, but he still wears the same smile that he always does, even if it is smaller. The grin seems to grow when he walks into Herbology and immediately the three other 'Marauders' pop up and run to him. Professor Sprout doesn't mind, but quickly quiets them when they go to sit down. The only problem is, there's a Ravenclaw sitting in his seat.
"Mr. Lupin, we've had to make do while you were gone. Miss King volunteered to be without a partner for the time being, but since you're back, you'll be sitting next to her for the rest of the term."
Great, I think. I really hadn't thought of that being the case when I said that Riley could be Peter's partner instead of mine. I wasn't being kind; I was simply thinking that I would be better alone. I should have thought further ahead. Lupin sinks into the seat next to me and pulls out all his papers.
"If you wouldn't mind, Miss King, to catch Mr. Lupin up so that he isn't too behind when we begin our demonstration today."
"Of course, Professor," I agree, though not happily.
This puts me one step closer to the goal that Potter and Black have in mind. I've been trying to stay away, but why do they have to make it so damn difficult?
"Thanks for rescuing me," Lupin whispers, leaning a bit closer to me. "I'm sure that if Peter had to be the one to catch me up, I'd never get back on track. He hardly pays attention as it is."
"You can have a copy of my notes," I say, "but I want them back by the end of class. I didn't rescue you. When given the chance to be alone, I took it."
He nods slowly. "I can understand why. Riley probably shouldn't have been put into Ravenclaw."
I'm shocked. That's the most rude thing that Lupin has ever said. And I thought he was the kind one in their group of four. It makes me respect him more. Not by much, but it's enough to raise the negative number closer to zero.
