HOLDEN - The Mavericks Series

HOLDEN

"Jerk..." says my brother and I know that he doesn't mean that but I kind of feel like I am right now. It's just that I spent the whole night thinking about that girl like a damn stupid kid and when I heard that today everyone was talking about Killian and Alice on the same car ditching school I got a bit nervous.
People were already talking about her appearance at the party last night. Saying how she wants desperately Dillar. There was a moment, few years ago were they kind of dated but he didn't conclude anything because she was the saint back then. We knew he didn't have any chance with her. But now everyone think she is the psycho and that she's more loose, so it would make sense that she wants to have fun.
"What the hell Killian? You didn't want me to get close to her so you could've your share of fun with her?"
He laughs. They were kind of close in the water. Hugging and kissing each other's necks.
"I had fun with her... unfortunately not that kind of fun. She's a good girl you know? And she's been through a lot. Why are you so judgmental with her?" He asks me and I don't know how to reply because I don't think I am. But he's the second person to say that.
"And why do you care about what she's been through a lot?" I ask him and he stays quiet. Takes a cigarette.
"It doesn't matter...and there shouldn't be a reason to care about people you know? Now would you run after her and walk her home please? It'll probably take her all day to get through the woods." And I nod. It's the right thing to do probably. His words make me think. I never cared about people, that's sure. While he always cared too much. His isn't even empathy...he just clicks with everyone he meets and than everything could happen.
When I go through the woods I see her and my heart fails for a second. She's doing spins with her AirPods in. She's dancing in the woods and she looks absolutely stunning. Crazy? Sure...but still it doesn't make her less beautiful.
I'm afraid that If I let her notice me she will freak out and she will be defensive and I hate that. So when I see that she stops I pretend to run and I wave at her.
"Did I forget anything?" She asks me and I smile and shake my head.
"No, I'm just making sure you don't need a ride. It'll take hours to get home." I tell her and she turns her back and starts walking.
"Not a problem. Later the better." She says and I think it's just sad that she stays out and walks for miles rather than to stay at home. Our house wasn't always a happy place, but it is a safe heaven for all of us.
"You know...your very different from your brother..." she says and I laugh.
"Which one?" I say and immediately I wold like to take it back. I don't want to make her feel judged again, but she just laughs.
"Both." She says while walking on a trunk with her arms open to keep balance.
"Grayson it's the put together one, but with a twist of mistery you wouldn't expect. Killian it's the most human. And you are the one who thinks being alone it's cool. I don't judge you for that though...people are shit most of the time." She says so naturally I'm actually impressed.
"That's what you think?" I ask her to check and she nods and then jumps off the trunk.
"You said it yourself. We are just names, faces that you don't and won't remember. Because you don't care."
She says and something inside of me trembles. Like for the first time someone is saying to my face that there is something wrong about me.
"Yeah well. Look what caring did to you." She turns to me and she's mad. Damn. I did it again.
"You know. I liked it better when I was just a face to you...because if when you a-knowledge someone you get like this, than you can go fuck yourself." And then she starts walking fast. Too fast.
"Alice! Wait...be careful." I scream at her but it's too late because she doesn't see the little fallen trunk in front of her and falls badly. I run to her while she is trying to get up. I help her but she pushes me away.
"Get the hell out of my face Holden Maverick. You are just trouble." She tells me and I immediately laugh.
"And you are a goof." I tell her and I don't know why she laughs for a second and then gets up on her own.
"I can find the way. Go back to your amazing plans." She says and I smile because she doesn't know that she is my plan now.
"I have time to waste. C'mon." And then we start walking in silence.
I know she wants to say something, from the way she slightly opens her mouth and then closes it. What o said pissed her off. It would've pissed me too.
"I didn't mean to." I tell her effortlessly. With her I could apologise all the time and it wouldn't be a burden to me.
"Than why did you say that? I mean, is it that hard to connect what you feel with the words you say?" She asks me and I nod.
"Yes it is. Especially with you. I messed up more with you the hour we talked that my whole life. You trigger me. Can't help it." I say to her and she instantly spins her head, looking at me.
"Oh. Wow...so now it's my fault? Is this how you work?" She asks and I laugh. She's kid of funny. And she's goofy but that's her just 1% of the time. I've seen her at school: her eyes are always empty...sad.
"I don't usually engage with people." I say and she stops walking.
"Okay perfect...you see? I was right to say that you should pretend I don't exist. Let's not engage anymore, me and you." I look at her. Her eyes aren't empty though. She doesn't even seem mad. She looks like she's enjoying it.
"What's your relationship with Killian?" I ask her out of curiosity.
We keep walking, ten feet apart.
"The Killer has a soft spot for me I guess. We are pretty much the same. He was the only one who cared about how I was for the past year." She says and I try to remember if in any conversation I had with my brother, he talked about her. But he never did. Not even Grayson did, but our relationship is not the best since he left. He is trying to build himself a life, and doesn't have time for our stupid shit anymore.
"And how were you?" I ask and she exhaled deeply.
"Damaged... Tired. Completely worn out. I still am...I just hide it better." She says and a part of me would like to know more about how she dealt with those feelings.
"And my other brother? I feel like you have a nice relationship with the other Mavericks but me." I tell her and she seems nervous. We're almost near the road to get the bus. I'm afraid she will stop talking to me once we exit the woods and get into town.
"What do you know about me and Grayson?" She asks me and I shake my head.
"Not much...he used to talk about you a lot, but now that he's in New York we don't talk that much, and the few times we do, you're not the main subject." I tell her and she nods, extracting a cigarette from her jackets. She gives me one too.
"Well that's because there isn't much too say. I was the sixteen years old girl who had a huge crush on him. And he was the one who was about to leave. That's all. No hard feelings." But I can sense in her voice that something hurt her about him too.
"Got it." I say because I understand that it's a sensitive topic as well.
"I'm taking the bus, you don't have to come with me." She says when she sees the bus from far.
"Didn't you say later the better?" And she nods.
"Let's walk then." I continue and she stops walking.
"And exactly when will our paths part? Before the museum? There is people there. They'll see you with the crazy, and they'll see me going desperately after you." She says laughing and for a moment I feel what she must have felt basically everyday since she got back: people looking, whispering, talking and assuming always the worst.
"Oh so you're ashamed of me? That's a first." I say pretending to be hurt and she rolls her eyes.
"It's for the better Holden Maverick." She says and again with my full name.
"If you insist on using my full name, than your missing a part. Adrian." I tell her and regret it instantly when she burst into a big laugh.
"His Royal highness Holden Adrien Maverick. Now it's perfect." She says and I grab by the arm.
She immediately gets quiet. Her eyes sparkle for a moment. My jaw is tense, and I'm biting my inner cheek because I don't want to say something mean again.
"Don't push it baby. I have a breaking point too." I tell her and instead of getting intimidated she takes a step closer. Our body are almost touching but I can't help but looking into her eyes.
"Or what?" She says as serious as she can be.
She tries to step back but I use my arm on her waist to push her closer to me. We're basically attached to one another. She looks at my lips. She wants it. I could bet all my money on this. So I do it. I press my lips on her. It's not gentle though. I never kissed gently...I always do it before fucking them. She doesn't kiss me back. She's completely still. I take her hand and bring her to my face. And when it almost feels like she's about to give in, her hand, instead of caressing me, slaps me.
"Are you shitting me? What the hell?" She says screaming. She touches her lips and she starts walking up and down.
"What? It was just a kiss, relax" I try to tell her but she comes right at me, pointing her finger to my chest. It almost hurts because of how hard she's pushing it.
"I don't care if a Kiss for you it's nothing. I didn't want it. And now I can't give it back to you." She says and now she definitely sounds like a crazy.
What does it mean that she can't give it back to me? Of course she can't...it's not an object.
"Okay chill out Alice. I didn't mean to upset you. Get your shit together."
I tell her and she comes again at me, slapping me again. I saw that coming but I didn't stop her. I wanted to see if she really had it in her.
News Flash: She does.
"That's what wrong with you people. You think you can take whatever you want because almost everybody wants something from you.
But I don't. I don't care about who you are, or how much girls run after you to get for a second your attention. I'm done. Fuck you!" She says and then without telling anything else she jumps on the bus.
The door closes and I stay on the side of the road. Bitch.
What was I thinking? Kissing the weirdo?
That wasn't a smart move.
Now she would have gone and tell everyone about it. Every other girl would have done that? And she's just a girl in the end right? But she seems different.

No. She is just like any other girl.
I go back in the woods to Killian. It's all his fault.
I don't know how to behave with her. He seemed so chilled with her. Maybe a should ask him. When I get to the lake house he's still there.
"What did you do?" He asks when he sees my face.
"Nothing. Give me a break." I tell him. He's smoking pot. He passes it to me and I take it.
"Listens Holden. She's not for you. Don't even bother." He says and fury builds up in my chest.
"But it's for you? Or for Grayson? That girl it's not for anyone. She's completely mental." I tell him and he laughs while I take a drag.
"Told ya!" He says and I punch him in the arm.
"Jerk.." he says and we both laugh.
"Leave my Alice In Wonderland." He says when we get back to our cars.
"Will do." I tell him. Yess. No more Alice crazy Constance in my head.