Bumps Along the Way | J. Puckerman (2)

Doctors

I took Kammie out of her crib, unhooking her tracheotomy vent, and checking her diaper. I tried hard to not wake her up so she wouldn't be fussy in the car. She woke up for a little while and cried lightly. While she was up, I gave her all of her morning meds and bounced her to try and get her back to sleep. She snuggled into my neck and fell back asleep.

"Hey," I said, walking into the kitchen to see Jake and Andrea.

Andrea got up from her seat and motioned for me to sit down, "I'm off to work you three. Call me with updates."

"We will," Jake said, standing up to hug her. "Are you ready to go, baby girl?" He asked, wrapping his arm around me where I wasn't holding Kam.

"Mhm," I replied, kissing the top of Kammie's head. "Did you get the bags or do you need help?"

He smiled my favorite smile, "bags are in the car, Kangaroo, Jaguar, and Elephant are in the diaper bag."

"You packed Elephant and Jaguar?" I laughed.

He raised an eyebrow and looked me dead in the eyes, "I mean, I'm gonna be a nervous wreck so..."

I stood on my tippy toes and made a kiss face until he bent down to give me a kiss. I smiled proudly and we walked out the door.

When we got to the hospital and started up to the bedroom area we would be staying in, we passed the NICU. We saw one of our favorite nurses and I used Kam's hand to wave to her.

"What are you guys doing here?" She asked. "Did you miss us, Kamryn?"

Kammie giggled, "Ba!"

I kissed the side of her head, "Ba! She's here for an NG tube," I explained.

"Well, I hope it all goes well for you guys. It's good to see you all," she said, walking back into the NICU.

We continued walking and checked in to get the room we would be staying in. It had a bathroom, a crib with high bars and openings to fit medical devices, a pull-out couch, and a chair.

A nurse checked us in and got Kam's vitals, along with all the visitor passes. She gave us a blanket in case she got cold and told us the doctor would be in shortly.

I sat in the chair and put Kammie on my chest so she could eat before Doctor Hellman and other nurses came in.

Jake sat on the couch and put his hand on my arm.

"I know you're worried," I told him. "I am too, when she's done I'll sit over with you so she can have all the cuddles."

He rubbed his hand on my arm, "she's got this, right?"

I smiled and nodded, "She's a little trooper, are you kidding? She's definitely got this. She's already done a tube before so she's a pro."

He raised an eyebrow at me, "She barely moved and was less than two pounds last time she had a tube."

"I know that I mean. I'm sure she going to hate it but it's what's best for her so we need to do it."

"I guess you're right," he said. "Is she almost done eating?"

I nodded, "pretty soon. Do you need baby snuggles?"

"Yes, yes I do," he laughed. "Do you have a
problem with that, ma'am?"

I kissed the top of his head, "here's your girl."

We sat for a little while and as I started to unpack our bag.

"Relax, Ems," Jake said, kissing Kam's head. "Tell momma, say breathe."

Kammie grabbed onto Jake's chin, "ma-mmma."

I looked over at them and giggled, "you guys are the greatest."

There was a knock at the door then the nurse walked in. "Hello, my name is Sadie, I'm going to be Kamryn's nurse today. How are you guys doing?"

"Good, how are you?" Jake asked.

"I'm good, thank you. How is your girl feeling?" She asked, looking at Jake and I.

"She's had a pretty good morning," he replied. Kammie put her hand in his mouth as he started talking. He acted like he was biting her hand with his lips, causing her to let out a huge giggle.

The nurse smiled, "That's good, she's a cutie. Has she eaten today?"

"Yeah, about as much as she normally does. Not a lot, but she's trying," I told her.

"Awesome," she replied, typing information into her computer. "So we are going to place her tube now, and keep an eye on her tomorrow, Wednesday, and maybe Thursday. For the tube placement, one of you is going to hold her, and the other is going to hold her head still. After she has it in today, you both have to put it in yourself."

"So she has to get this thing put in and out of her nose three times?" Jake asked.

The nurse nodded, "I'm sorry. Do you know which of you is going to hold her?"

"I can hold her head," I answered, knowing that Jake wouldn't want to be the person holding her down.

I didn't either, I didn't want to be the one holding my baby down to cause her pain.  I forced myself to remember that what we are doing is helping her and that I will be there to help her after.

Jake sat her on his lap and wrapped one arm around her to hold her hands down, I give her nose a quick kiss before holding her head back and rubbing my thumb on the side of her face. She was okay and content until the nurse put her hand under Kamryn's chin and started to place the tube down her nose. She screamed and threw her head back trying to get away. I held it so she couldn't, feeling the tears stream down my face and her tears fall on my thumb. 

"You're okay, baby butterfly. You're doing so good," I whispered. 

Once they finished and put the tape on her, Jake pulled her into his chest. I wrapped my arms around both of them and kissed the side of her head. 

She pulled her hands up to the tube to try and pull it away, but Jake took her hand, "You can't do that sweetie. It's helping you get so big and strong." 

They hooked her up to the feeding pump and gave her to me to rock her to sleep. 

She always falls asleep nursing, but they wanted to monitor her with just the tube today, so I held her to my chest and rocked her. She looked up at me with big wet eyes signing eat. I knew I couldn't feed her so I held the side of her face to my bare chest and rocked her to try and give her the same feeling and the comfort that I was there. 

She put her tiny hand on my face as I rocked her to sleep, knowing that my perfect little girl still had such a long way to go, but that she was doing it. I have never been prouder of anyone in my life, I am lucky to look at her and call myself her Mommy.

I can't wait to see what her future holds, she is going to do amazing things.