Our Secret ☆Johnnyboy☆

Earned It

PONYBOY'S POV:

"Have you ever kissed somebody?"

Johnny looks at me and his eyes widen slightly. "No.." he says slowly. "have you?"

I laugh and sit up. "no obviously not. you'd be the first person i tell."

He looks away and scratches his neck. "yeah.." He says quietly.

"you alright?"

"Uh-huh... Whyd you ask that?"

"Because you seemed upset-"

"No the other thing."

"oh. I dont know." I think for a moment. "well- its too embarrassing." 

"come on!" he looks at me with a smirk.

"no-"

"pleaseee?"

"fine!" i laugh. "uhm i asked because i thought that if you did  kiss some one-"

"even though i dont talk to anyone."

I laugh again. " yeah.. uhm- i thought that you could teach me.."

He starts coughing. He clears his throat. "what?"

"i thought you could teach me how to kiss. But since you havent before-"

"i mean.." He starts. his face becoming red. "i still could."

"How?"

"First, tell me why you even want to... do it in the first place?"

"Because i want to learn and theres nothing else to do."

"you got a crush?" he says with a smirk, trying to hide is obvious nervousness. But why was he so nervous?

"on you?" My face becomes really hot. "No..."

"i never said on me..."

I laugh nervously. "so we gonna do it or not?" i change the subject.

 "Yeah come here." 

I stand up and sit by him. "But if you dont know how-"

"we'll teach each other. Or, more like practice on each other."

"o-ok"

"dally would probably be a better person to teach you. he kisses a lot of people."

"yeah i bet he even kisses tim shepard."

"ew no, tim's ugly."

"they both are so."

He laughs. "ok, you ready?"

"i-i really dont know what im doing."

"neither do i, ok? Just do what ever feels right. "

I nod. 

"just close your eyes." I do what he says. "and whenever youre ready.."

"why cant- uhm- you go first?" I open my eyes.

"do you want me to?"

"mhm.." i look away nervously.

Johnny lightly grabs my face and turns it toward his. "You dont have to..."

"i want to."

He smiles a bit. He lowers his gaze onto my lips. I feel my face heat up again. I put my hands on his shoulders and close my eyes. I quickly pull him and kiss him. Or what i think is a kiss. I mean, it feels right. 

But i realize im kissing my best friend. My boy best friend. Does that make me gay? No, no, no... were just kissing as friends... im not gay... Just kissing my best friend. But, god, do i love it. His lips are so soft. And his tong-

He pulls away. "how was that?"

I slowly open my eyes. "oh my god johnny..."

"what? was it bad?"

"no.." i grab him and kiss him again, this time, deepening the kiss. Im not gay.... But kissing him just feels so right.. i need him. Does he feel like that too? Im so confused. I love kissing him and i never want to stop. I love how adventurous he is. I love how beautiful he is. I love everything about him.  I love...him. But i cant be gay.. Im not gay..

"Pony.." he pulls away from the kiss. "Pony I have to tell you something."

"Yeah, I know, I do too." I move closer and try to kiss him.

He stops me. "What?"

"I have somethin to tell ya too but does that really matter?" I whine.

"Yeah..."

"I just wanna kiss you, johnny."

He pauses. "Ponyboy." He smiles, looking at and fiddling with his hands.

I tilt my head. "What do you have to tell me?"

"I don't think you'll understand." He looks to the side. "You're just a kid, pony.... I shouldn't have done this."

"Johnny you're my best friend you can-"

"Thats the thing pone.... I don't wanna be your best friend." He looks at me with tears in his eyes.

I pause for a moment and look at him. "...what?"

"I don't wanna be your best friend.." i stare at him blankly as i feel tears start to form in my eyes. He doesnt want to be my best friend? "i wanna be more.."

"what do you mean?" I wipe my tears away.

"i wanna be your boyfriend, ponyboy."

(770 words)

"is it me? this must be me- this must be because im gay- i dont- but im not gay jake, i dont know what the fuck i am"

Ik this one is kinda short, cry abt it <3

the song gives me vibes for this moment so i put it