Her Soldier

20

"Do you really hate him?" A mirror image of myself stands across from me.

"Yes." I breathe. "Liar." She sneers. "You don't hate him."

"But I do." I have to hate him, I can't love him. He hurt me, he betrayed me. She laughs in my face, "how could you hate the man you love. He's done nothing wrong he saved his family by giving you up." She shoved me back a few steps, "You saved them, face it you're happy he took you there your glad he saved poor Phil."

"Stop. Your lying to me, he betrayed me." I cry dropping to my knees, she's lying. Im lying, he hurt me. "He saved you." The image contorts into a new one Phil and Ryan stand across from Devon and Clayton. "You didn't listen to me Devon!" Clayton yells. My mirror image stands beside me smiling. Clayton steps closer to Phil. "Do you know what happens to people who don't do what I want?"

Devon looks at Clayton and watches his eyes show fear for what Claytons going to do. Clayton smirks at Phil. "I'll show you." He plunges his sword into Phil's chest he yells in pain falling to the ground Devon yells drawing his own sword at Clayton but it was too late I stand shocked.

"Oops. Devon crossed Clayton's bad side." My image sings out laughing. "Stop it." I plead looking at her. She smiles and everything shifts again this time I'm not just watching it I'm a part of it I stand behind Clayton as he draws his sword on Devon, they're both out of breath and Devon's sword lays forgotten on the ground.

"You didn't listen!" Clayton yells. Devon looks at me pain in his eyes. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you, princess." He says to me. Clayton looks at me and smiles he pretends to trip and plunges his sword into Devon's heart I scream tears falling from my eyes.

"Oops." He says laughing. "I tripped."

"STOP IT! MAKE IT STOP PLEASE!" I fall to the ground on my knees. She's played the same scenes over and over in my head each time a new way they die a new person dying. "You're weak."  She says laughing at the scenes she plays in front of me.

I scream jolting awake darkness surrounds me in my cave. I sob into my arms. Maybe I am weak. Maybe I don't hate him, maybe I do love him.

—————

I told myself I'd never come back to this place so why now do I sit in the snow staring at the familiar warm house. Don't go in my mind screams at me so I just sit staring. He brought you to your nightmares Rose. I'm alive though right? Clayton thinks I'm dead now but how long will that last?

Don't go in, don't go in, do not go in.

—————

"Did they make you happy Rose?" Clayton asks I haven't been here in a long time back at exile. "Yes." I say.

"You don't deserve to be happy Rose. You're an idiot! They exiled you! I'm your friend no one else gives a shit about you!"

"That's not true." I cry, its not. They all love me. They all care about me. "yes it is I'm your friend! I'm your only friend no one else! Now say it Rose say it!"

"You're my friend Clayton not them." My voice has gone extremely quiet almost a whisper. "You don't deserve my kindness you don't deserve to be happy you don't deserve any of it but here I am I didn't leave you like they did." He yells at me, he's right I don't deserve him.

I gasp that's five nights in a row that I've woken up from a nightmare. I look around this can't be real I'm in Devon's home? I never went in the house I fell asleep outside it. Right? I don't know what's real anymore I know nothing now, I'm lost. I stand up and walk out why did I go in? I told myself I wouldn't I would just look.

"Leaving so soon?" I jump Devon leans against the door frame. "You scream a lot in your sleep. Did you know that?." I just stare at him why did I come here? His white hair is braided down his back he's dressed in all black everything looks normal, except his eyes they aren't the same they're softer and sad he looks as if he hasn't slept in years.

"You look like shit." His face doesn't light up in amusement. He stares at me. "How did you survive? I thought you died. I thought i killed you." He says softly, he speaks to me like I might shatter any second. I already did though, I'm already broken, i always have been always will be. "I jumped into the water, it was cold but I made it just fine nearly froze to death too." I laugh at that.

"You came here so you wouldn't." I nod it was only a couple of days ago when I stumbled into the house to keep from dying. "You weren't there." I say looking at him. "Had some stuff to take care of." I nod I know he didn't take care of anything. He was lying to me.

"I want to kill him." I say, Devon smiles softly.

"Do I hear violence?" He jokes lightly, his eyes still sad.