Make Me (Remdy)

We All Have Obsessions

Just real quick I wanted to make sure you know I don't think Juliet is anything like how I'm portraying her in this story and I think it's awful the things some 'fans' say about her and Andy's relationship. I love Juliet and it's pretty obvious how happy her and Andy are together, it sucks that some people can't let them be happy without saying shit. 

Trigger warnings: Mentions of depression, suicide, self harm, death 

Instead of finding Remington in his bed, Andy finds a piece of paper with the words 'Gone to graveyard, took one of your umbrellas. Hope it goes okay with Juliet. Will be back later.' 

Andy decides against waiting for him to return, going back down and pulling on a coat before leaving the house. The walk to the graveyard is wet and dark and, when he arrives at the familiar place, Remington is stood under a black umbrella just looking at his brothers' headstones. Andy joins him underneath. "Hey, little darling," he greets, voice raised to be heard over the sound of rain hitting the fabric above their heads. 

Remington moves the umbrella to better cover the man. "Hey," he returns.

"You okay?" 

"I saw them when I nearly died in your bed. They were exactly the same. They sounded the same. Everything was the same. It was strange. I wanted to stay with them but they made me go." 

Andy is quiet.

"I thought seeing them again might help. You know, being able to properly say goodbye, to hug them before I went. But now I think it just made things more complicated. I just wash they were here more now." He looks at Andy. "How was it with Juliet." 

"Well, she's still a lying, vain bitch, but I have the upper hand now." 

"Is your son still alive?" 

"Yep." 

Remington nods, looks back at the graves. "That's good," he says. "I'm happy for you." 

"You don't sound happy for me. You don't even have to be happy for me. You can resent me for it if that's what you're really feeling. I understand." 

"I don't resent you. I just wish it was my brothers that were alive." 

"I know. I wish they were alive, too." 

"Do you believe in the after life?" 

Andy hums thoughtfully, takes the handle of the umbrella from him. "Yeah, I think so," he answers. "I believe something comes after. I mean, speaking scientifically, energy cannot be destroyed, it can only be transferred. That means to me that even after someone has dies, the energy in them - you know, their soul and everything, it is still in existence and has to be somewhere. It can't just disappear. And maybe there is nothing after, but people have to go somewhere. People's souls have to go somewhere. Why do you ask?" 

"Do you think I really saw them?" 

"I can't answer that." 

"I mean, do you think it was them in the afterlife, or whatever it's called, or if it was my mind playing tricks? It's just that if it was my mind, that doesn't make much sense, because then I would have convinced myself not to die, and I would never have done that."

"It could have been both," Andy suggests. "Maybe you saw figments of them and filled in the gaps with your imagination."

"Maybe. I don't know. Why are you holding that?" 

"I'm being a gentleman, duh." 

Remington smiles. "Oh, right. Course you are. Well, thanks. And thanks for coming down here." 

"Sure, hon. Let's go back to mine now, though." 

"Yeah, okay. I'm exhausted. And I want a cuddle." 

Andy links their arms and begins walking. "I'll give you a cuddle, little darling. Oh, sorry, I just got water all down your neck." 

"Yeah, I noticed." 

The man chuckles. "Come closer, this umbrella isn't big enough for two people." He playfully pulls Remington into his side. "You got your phone? We might need a flashlight." 

"I left it in your room," Remington says. "You got yours?" 

"Nope." 

"Unacceptable." 

"Oh, shut up." More water drips onto Remington and Andy says, "You have to come closer, idiot." 

"Maybe I don't want to." 

"Please, you take every chance you can get to be near me." 

"Shh." 

Andy chuckles. "Nothing wrong with it, it's cute." 

"Stop flirting with me. We're supposed to be just friends."

"Not flirting." 

"You so are." 

"Am not." 

"So are." 

Andy pushes him out from the shelter of the umbrella playfully. "You can walk in the rain, then," he says, laughing at Remington's huff. "You haven't heard from Leo since everything at the studio?" 

"No." 

"Good. It's a relief that it's over." 

"Definitely a relief." 

"And you're okay? No urges to cut yourself?" 

"I don't know. It's complicated. Angelica says I use self harm as a way to detach myself from reality, whatever that means. I don't know. I guess it's, like, convincing myself that if I feel physical pain, I won't have to focus on why I'm giving myself that pain to begin with. I don't know if it even makes sense. I keep thinking I understand it but I never really will. I mean, how could I? It's a mess. I'm a mess." 

"No, you're not a mess." 

"She said I shouldn't obsess over anything or anyone, but how can I just do that? It's my personality to obsess. You know. Over music, bands, TV shows, books, people. My brothers. I know she means my brothers. I was obsessed with them. I am obsessed with them. Anyone who knows me knows that. She said if I keep obsessing over them, I'll never recover. I should move on from them, or something. Get over them, I suppose. Get over their...death. I don't know how to do that. How does anyone do that?" 

"I wish I could give you a helpful answer, but I can't. I don't think anyone really knows how to do that." 

"I wish there was, like, a checklist of things to do, you know? Like 'step one. Have a cup of tea.' Wouldn't that be useful?" 

"Well, it depends what the steps are." 

"Yeah. True. But still. It would be nice to have some fort of guidance for this shit. At least I'm not alone, though. It would be worse if I was alone."

"You're definitely not alone."