Make Me (Remdy)

We All Try To Be Better

Trigger warnings: Mentions of suicide, self harm, depression, physical/verbal abuse, sex

Midday. Remington and Andy are lying naked in Andy's bed, flushed. Remington's head is on Andy's torso and he looks up at the ceiling. "I needed that," he says. 

"You and me both." 

"Such a mistake, though." 

"Oh, the biggest mistake," Andy agrees carelessly. "As long as it was better than sex with Bob the builder."

"Sex was the only good thing about Leo." He exhales. "Even then, it was so, I guess, intense, that I didn't exactly...look forward to it." 

Andy plays with his hair. "That sounds horrible, I'm sorry." 

"It's fine. It's fine. And it's over now, isn't it?" 

"Yeah, but-" 

"It's fine, Andy. It's finished, he's gone. And it could have been a lot worse." 

"I know, but just 'cause he's gone doesn't mean it's magically all okay again. Stuff like that, it stays with you. I mean, have you thought about what would have happened if I didn't intervene? He could have really messed you up, Remington. He was dangerous." 

Remington sits up. "What would you know?" 

"I just don't want you to get dragged down with it later because you aren't giving yourself time to deal with it now."  

"There's nothing to deal with. He was mean but he's gone and I'm fine. I'm not gonna slit my wrists or swallow a load of pills, I'm fine. Thanks for the concern." He frowns when Andy gives him a concerned face. "Look, It's not like he fucking beat me up or shit. Who's to say he even was abusive at all? That's just a word you're using to sound like you know something, which you don't. You just wish you did, because really you're fucking stupid." 

"I-" 

"He didn't do shit! And even if he did, which he didn't, I'm a grown ass adult and I don't need you treating me like I can't look after myself, thank you very much." 

"He threatened to run you over, Remington." 

"Yeah, and? It's not like he was actually going to do it. It was just empty promises.""

"That's not the point," Andy insists. "He knew what happened to your brothers and he said that to upset you. People shouldn't do that." 

"So what? You know what happened to them and you still say shit to upset me, what's the bloody difference?" 

"Oh my God," Andy whispers. "Okay, no. We're doing it all over again. We got carried away, we fucked, now the sexual frustration is gone and all we can think of doing is arguing. This is why I broke it off. This."

Remington stares at him and then surprisingly nods and says, "You're right. I'm sorry." He crawls up beside Andy. "I don't want to argue with you. I'm sorry." 

"Me neither. I'm sorry, too." 

"I should talk to Angelica about this, shouldn't I?" 

"Yes, absolutely. That's a good idea." 

"Okay. I will." 

"This is good. We're doing good." 

"We are doing good." 

Andy smiles. "Now give me a hug, little darling." 

Obliging, Remington wraps his arms around the elder's shoulders and closes his eyes. "Little darling," he repeats in a soft voice. 

"Mm, little darling." 

"You're very..." He pauses. "Comforting." 

"Huh, really?" 

"Why so surprised?" 

"Your usual word me for me is-" 

"Cunt, I know. And believe me, you'll always be a cunt." 

"See, that's what I'm used to." 

"You can be a cunt and be comforting. Which you are. You're very comforting. I feel protected with you." He pulls away from the hug. "You know, like when Mickey mouse was in the graveyard chatting shit and you turned up, I felt, like, protected by your presence. And today, with Leo, when you asked what was going on, it was so comforting to know I could rely on you. I don't know, I guess I haven't really had anyone to trust like that before. Apart from my brothers, of course, but even then, having brothers is never the same as having someone to talk to the way I can talk to you. Oh, hey, I just found something that I don't miss about them. That's a first." 

"I'm honored to be that person for you. And I'm proud of you." 

"But we shouldn't be together right now." 

"I think that's a smart decision." 

"Even though I really want to be with you." 

"Me too." 

"But mental health comes first." 

Andy hums. "Yes, always." 

"But you'll still look out for me?" 

"Of course. Always." 

"And I'll always look out for me. Speaking of, how's all the stuff with Juliet and your son?" 

"Oh, I don't know, to be honest. I've been trying not to think about it. I'll confront her at some point. It's still so strange. I mean, what do I do if my son actually is alive? I have no idea." 

"You see him?" Remington suggests. 

"Who's to say he'd even want that?" 

"You're his dad, I'm sure he wants to meet you." 

"Not if he's grow up believing someone else is his dad." 

"Even then. If that was me, I'd want to know. 

"Maybe. I don't know. I should talk to Juliet about it first. Not that she'd ever say anything helpful to me. God, I hate being divorced." Andy shakes his head. "Better than being unhappily married, I suppose. Still a fucking pain in the arse, though. Take my advice and don't get married." 

"Marriage means conforming to societal norms, and I refuse to do that," Remington says. "A man passing his daughter from himself to another man. It's so stupid. Not that I'm anyone's daughter, but you get my point." He gets off the bed and picks up his underwear from the floor. "I'm gonna make tea, do you want a cup?" 

"Yeah, sure. Thanks." 

Remington smiles at him as he steps into his trousers. "If you get another boyfriend or girlfriend, though, I will kill myself." 

Raising an eyebrow, Andy chuckles. "Well, doesn't that just scream mental stability." 

"Picture of health, that's what I am." 

"Picture of physical health, sure. You're in very good shape." 

"I know I am. As are you." 

"Stop flirting with me, we're not supposed to do that." 

"You started it." 

"You didn't stop it." 

Remington opens the door and sends him a grin.