Silence is a scary sound

Capítulo 10

I turn around on the sofa trying to lean my head on the warm firm cushion next to me. I just need a bit more sleep. I can't quite remember any cushions being firm but it's still comfortable. My eyelids won't even bother on opening so I let my sleep take over once again.

There's warmth around my waist that disturbs me from my sleep. My mind's more aware of things this time. Cushions aren't firm.

I shoot my eyes open and sit up on the couch, pushing Zayn's arm off me. He immediately sits up, leaning his hand on the couch to hold his weight up.

"What's the matter?" he asks with worry in his husky sleepy voice.

His eyes are all puffy and I can see how hard he's finding it to keep them open. The hair from his fringe falls like a mess against his forehead, leaving some strands sticking up.

I shake my head as I stand up and straighten out my shirt a bit.

"No-nothing, I just have to... Get up," I explain like a total idiot.

He frowns slightly and falls back on the couch, closing his eyes.

Did we sleep together? Did he really hold me?

I rush to my room, trying to clear my thoughts from all this. It's going to get to me, I know it is. For him it was obviously no big deal, and I'm mid way through a heart attack.

He opened up to me last night in a friendly way. He even compared me to a sibling yesterday, I need to stop picturing him as my... Whatever. I just need to stop this thinking.

I've never had any interest in a person like that. The awful thing about this is, it's not just a liking, I care too much for him, I can't let my feelings go anywhere.

Feelings? For god's sake what am I even going on about? I'm meant to help him, that's all that's going to happen.

I haven't been this comfortable with someone new in a long time so it's just that, me getting used to a person's company.

Since I was young I've had a fix idea about relationships and how pointless they are. Fine, it's nice to have someone hold you and comfort you from time to time but that's about it. I don't need a so called boyfriend for that, I can support myself. And as to the sex, well... Harry reckons I should try it before saying anything but I honestly won't understand ever why people crave it so much.

Pleasure. It's for pleasure, I get it, but what's so different about that kind of pleasure to any other? Specially when you have to get a person who you probably end up hating to do it for you.

I'm happy how I am, I think...

A boyfriend with my job would just not click, I don't have the time or the patience for the kind of drama I see it evolves.

It's already 10 am and I'd be ripping my hair out if it weren't because I'm not going into work today.

Pearl made me promise I'd spend every other day out of work with her. If it were any other kid I'd think it was because of them quite selfishly not wanting to be alone, but Pearl couldn't care less if I entertain her or not, she just thinks I spend to much time at the office.

*
The front door rings and I hear it opening before I even get the chance to walk out my room. I've been avoiding Zayn all morning, not because I did anything wrong or out of the ordinary, I know it's kind of normal, I just don't feel comfortable around him right now.

I'd say I'm too vulnerable to stop his presence from tricking my mind. I'm scared I'll feel too much for him.

"Where's the little brat?" I hear Louis' voice shouting down the hall.