It's A Gay Thing

14 //

ALERT: I haven't edited this chapter, so I guarrantee typos and probably missing words. I just wanted to put the chapter out there before I forget. I'll clean it up in the next day or so.

14 // Pris

I haven't talked to Dani in a week. The more I spend time away from her, the more I realize that I might have overreacted. I know Cindy; she used to be in my high school, two years ahead of me. Even then, she had a reputation. Richie and Angie would always hang out with her, because she was legal before they were. If it were just the reputation, I could maybe bring myself to like her, but she's also selfish and just — mean. I've never met someone like her before. She was also on the cheerleading squad and got to pick the ones she thought were most qualified to lead the team. Thus, Arianna knew her really well. Overall, she left nothing but a bad impression.

But now, I'm pushing Dani away from me, by creating situations that don't need to be. I could probably avoid a lot of these arguments if I trusted her more. And to be honest, I don't know why I don't trust her more than I do. She hasn't truly betrayed me at any given time. Her friends are horrible — and it's really only Alex that bothers me, the others are fine — but that has nothing to do with the trust I have towards her.

Sometimes, I look at Dani, whether it's her physically next to me or through photos and I wonder how the hell did she end up liking me. She's such an amazing person and I just can't bring myself to believe that we match. Yet, she's never made me feel like I shouldn't be with her.

One thing feels certain: I'm overthinking and overreacting to everything.

The consequence is that now, I miss her. I miss staring at her smile and grinning at her text messages. She hasn't tried to reach out to me either during this week. I wonder what she's up to. I hope she hasn't moved on, because I sure haven't. It's true that we haven't interacted nor seen each other in a week, but I thought about her just as much as usual. I miss her hair. I liked twirling a few of her curls between my fingers as we kiss.

I glance at my phone, which is on my bedside table. I realize that I spent three quarters of my life in my room, on my bed, thinking. That's way too much time. I should be doing something more productive.

I don't know if I want to engage right this minute. Then again, she may not answer right away. I pick up my phone and type 'hey', as if we hadn't ignored each other all this time. My finger hesitates to send. I close my eyes and hit the button. When I open them back up, my message has been sent.

I rake my hair back, which is such a Dani move, and sit back against my head board. I also called my dad during the week. He said he'd pass by next week, because he's off. I can't wait for him to be here. I want to come out to him. I want him to know about Dani. I'm sure he doesn't care but I like rambling on about my life with him.

There's a buzz. I turn my head around and stare at my phone. I take it and swipe to see the message. It's indeed Dani, and she said 'hey' back to me, just as dryly as I did. I start texting her but in mid-sentence of my third line, I erase it all, and just call her. It's so much simpler like that.

It rings two times before she picks up.

"Yeah?" I hear her voice through the phone. I forgot how sexy it was.

"Yeah, Dani, it's me."

"I know."

I don't know what to tell her, "What are you up to?"

"More studying. You?" Dani answers me. She sounds like she's writing something as she's talking to me.

"Not much of anything." There's a long silence. "I miss you."