Cinnamon & Rubies // The Outsiders

twenty-three

December 1, 1969.

Twenty-four days before Christmas and Caroline found herself holding her breath. The lottery would begin to be called soon and she found herself seated on the couch with her Ma by her side and one of Ponyboy's shirts and some needle and thread in her hand. The boys found themselves in scrapes and accidents more than she thought likely. Darry protested against her taking their clothes for mending, but Caroline insisted. After Pony's shirt, she had one of Soda's jackets and, albeit reluctantly given, some of Darry's work jeans.

Her fingers nervously pulled at the needle and worked it in and out of the fabric as the numbers began to be called out. Darry was safe, but Steve, Two-Bit, and Sodapop were all at risk. She had prayed the moment she woke up until now.

Now, all they could do was watch in silence.

"Darry is safe," Helen reminded her gently.

"I know that. He can't get drafted until Ponyboy's old enough. That's just three years."

Helen looked over at her daughter and saw the fear painted across Caroline's face. Helen looked up at the screen where they were starting to fit birthdays in the slots. 195 birthdays would be called up tonight. Everyone was at risk, but it was the boys who couldn't pay for college who were most at risk.

"Tell me about 'em," Helen said. "Your boys. I misjudged them when you first started seeing Darrel. So tell me about them."

"Well," Caroline started slowly. "There's Two-Bit Mathews. His real name's Keith and he says I'm the only lady alive other than his mother that calls 'im that. He's a sweet boy when he ain't drunk as a skunk. Gots a real infatuation with Mickey Mouse. Then there's Steve Randall. He's probably gonna be the one to put me in an early grave. Always hootin' and hollerin'. He and Soda are dirty cheats at cards. But he's a good boy. He loves the Curtises like they're blood brothers. He's a loyal one, that boy is.

"And Ponyboy...he's a right sweetheart, he is. Hard to believe he'd be in rumbles and such when he's got such a kind soul. He's been affected the most about losin' the other two boys. I worry about him sometimes. He's real smart though. Darry and I were talkin' about college. He don't know if he can save up for it, but he'd love to try.

"And then there's Sodapop. Gosh, he is a jokester. He makes me laugh like no other. You can tell he's tryna help Darry and Pony as best as he can. He feels guilty about not doing more, but Darry appreciates 'im just being there. I don't know what we'd do without Soda."

Caroline fell silent just as they called number fifty, July seventh. Her boys were safe so far. Over a hundred more to go.

"And Darry?" Helen asked softly.

Caroline bit her lip and shrugged, focusing her attention back on her mending. She opened her mouth and then shut it, reconsidering her words. Helen just waited for her to respond when she was comfortable.

"I think I love him, Momma," Caroline whispered. "And it scares me so bad. He's kind and he treats me right. He's quiet but he speaks in his actions. He makes me feel so safe. Oh, Momma, I'm so scared."

"Caroline Marie, that boy is head over heels for you. He looks at you like you hung the gosh darn moon. Your Pa never looked at me like that or treated me like that. Your Pa saw me as property. Darrel treats you like you're a human. Are you happy with 'im?"

"So happy. I think...if he were to ask..."

Helen smiled and grasped her daughter's free hand. "All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy, Caroline. Let yourself be happy. Please."

"Thank you, Momma."

"Now go get me some coffee," Helen teased. Caroline rolled her eyes and set aside her darning. As she stood, they called out the sixty-seventh number and she felt her knees give out. She kneeled on the floor and clasped her hands before her in prayer before they even had the date added to the wall.

"Lord, no. Lord, please!" she moaned. "Anybody but 'im. Please God. Please, I'm begging ya."

"Who is it, Caroline? Who?" Helen exclaimed as she joined her daughter on the floor in prayer. Caroline raised her eyes to stare at the date plastered across the screen as tears spilled out of the corner of her eyes.

July 25th.

"Sodapop," she whispered. "Oh Dear God, not Sodapop. Momma, I don't know what to do. What do I do?"

Helen quickly stood and reached for her keys. "You go to 'em, baby. They need you right now. I'll drive you over."

Caroline reached for the front door and hesitated. She couldn't bring herself to turn the handle and push it open. Her hand hovered over the door and she turned her head to look back at Helen's departing tail lights.

The door swung open and she swung her head around to meet Sodapop's red-rimmed eyes. Caroline offered him a tight smile.

"I saw it on the TV," she said. His shoulders fell and he stumbled forward, his arms wrapping around her shoulders tightly. Caroline quickly encircled her own arms around him and rocked him gently, shushing him as hot tears soaked her shoulder.

"You'll be okay, Soda. Ya hear? Ain't nothin' gonna happen to you. I pray to God everyday that you're safe," she whispered.

"You'll take care of 'em, right? While I'm gone?"

Caroline leaned back, her hands coming up to cup his face. A tear-filled smile graced her face and she nodded. "I'll take care of 'em until you get back. Promise. But you gotta promise me in return that you'll come back. You promise me that, Sodapop Curtis?"

"I promise, Care. I swear to you."

Caroline wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in tight once more. "You're like a brother to me, Soda. I...you'll be fine."

He squeezed her in a tight hug and then stepped back, swiping his shirt across his tear stained cheeks. "C'mon, Care. It's cold out here."

The living room was silent aside from the drone of the newcast as they replayed the draft. Two-Bit sat on the floor with a bottle of whiskey in his hand that he was taking long swigs from. Steve stared blankly at the television. Ponyboy fiddled with the worn book in his hand, his eyes glistening with a sheen of tears.

And Darry was nowhere to be seen.

"Back porch," Sodapop explained. Caroline nodded, stepping nimbly over Two-Bit's splayed legs. She bent down and yanked the bottle out of his hand and replaced it with a blanket.

"You, on the couch. Ponyboy, you better get ready for bed. You got school in the mornin'. Steve, you can take Darry's chair. If he puts up a fight, he can answer to me. I'll make breakfast in the morning. We...we all got school and work tomorrow. We gotta keep movin'."

Sodapop mouthed a quick "thank you" to her as she continued on towards the back door. The screen door swung open and clattered shut against the frame as her announcement but he didn't even turn to look at her. Caroline settled herself down on the steps next to him and took a long drink from the bottle she had stolen from Two-Bit. She held it out for Darry and he stared at it for a beat before accepting the bottle and taking a quick drink from it. He set it down on the step next to him and blinked up at the stars.

His breath mingled in a puff of steam with the cold air and Caroline leaned closer to him, pressing her cheek against his shoulder as both a way to lend him strength and warmth. She brushed her lips against his bicep and he let out a shuddering breath.

"I've buried too many people, Care," Darry whispered. "I thought we were safe."

She simply stayed silent and tilted her head so her chin rested on his shoulder and her brown eyes were fixed on his face. He turned to look at her, tears shining in his blue eyes and she reached up to brush a few stray drops from his cheek.

"Let's not worry about that right now and instead focus on the things we can control. We have twenty four days until Christmas, Darrel Curtis, and I'll be damned if we let Soda go without having the best Christmas of his life."

He shut his eyes and nodded. "Thank you."