When the whole world shut down 2019 - ???

Chapter one

NOTE!!

I started this story in 2019 or 2020, so things have changed. I do live in a little country of European called Finland! I am now almost 20 year old so I might change some things from this plot :-) Story will be told by Hazel if I don't mention another name at the beginning of page! I haven't changed backstories except some little things. 

December 2019

It's now a middle of December, Christmas eve will be here during a couple weeks. Normally I would be happy for Christmas holiday but not this year! Everything has changed and so much happened at the same time. Christmas holiday should be the biggest dream of every 16 - year old teenager but not for me because I am divergent (what did I do <3)

I literally scream of happiness when I am able to get out of that house that I call my home. Because of my lungs I have been stuck inside of this house for so many years. All I want to be is healthy. I want to be normal. I just don't want to me ill anymore! 

Because of my overprotective mother I have been home schooled for over three years. I wasn't able go to the normal school after my 12th birthday because I was too ill. My living situation with illness is not never going to get any better. But at least my mental and physical health is getting better - or i thought two weeks ago before my whole life collapsed. 

But needless to say that everytime when my life is getting even little bit better way there always happens something bad. At this time that bad thing is the weird little Virus from China! Just a six months ago I started back at the normal high school, and now I am again at the danger end up back to home. Hopefully that Virus doesn't get here If it does my mother will 100% end up tore her whole head bald for godness sake!! 

Life with portable oxygen tank is not easy! But still it is million times easier than life with rubbish lung that does not get enough oxygen. At the end (6 months ago) my mom thought that it would be best for me to continue studying from home. That my oxygen tank would be too big shock for my classmates. But I said for her that more home days for me also more gossips at the school from me! Some of my so called friends already have wrote to insta and twitter, things that they have heard from someone who thinks that those really happened for me. Things like ' Hazel might be already dead, she have been not at school for ages! '. 

Why people are so dump, that they believe everything that they hear! But so what i have been bullied for so a long time that I literally don't care anymore. Altough I was a cheerleader before I got cancer, I have never been that popular one. except Caitlyn I don't have any friends, and some days also she bullies me! 

// page switching // 

My mom watches every news from corona virus. I think that she wants that virus that she could get rid of me. Maybe that would then be easier for her.  But I don't want to die yet, I want to stay alive. My parents are not normal anymore, they have been acting weird since my diagnose day that was four years ago. 

I am depressed, yes of course I am but I don't need to report from it!! I am totally Okay, I don't need any help. If my mom would find this out. I would say hi to therapist and mental heath hospital. They do think that I am suicidal, but that's not real. . But on the other hand, who would not be depressed when whole word is messed up!

Today at the school Caitlyn asked from the Virus, I said her angrily that shut up. Really all that my mom speaks anymore is all about covid_19! I am gonna get mad as soon if she doesn't stop. It is so frustrating that even your best friend speaks from just one topic that you JUST don't want to HEAR!! 

So the thing is that Kaitlyn goes to every course that I go. Good thing is that I am not alone at the class but there is just days when I can't listen to her. There is days that I just want to plug in my airpods and listen my favorite music, basically just fade from the world. Unfortunately we also have same lunch break. There isn't anything wrong with eating, but it isn't my fault that I am not able to eat normally anymore!! Thank for the cancer and anorectic thoughts...

Finally we were able to make our way to lunch cafeteria. That is really difficult in school that does have over thousand students. So it isn't abnormal at here that you need to wait over half minutes before can choose your food. Hmm... do you know that feeling when you try to crush through the million human mass that some days is over 3 miles long! Of course it is my day today... forgot to take my food with me from home! So when we got to food line I took one bottle of light coca-cola and some kinda bread. Kay took meat protein meal, so many calories (no I am not anorexic just my mother tells those things for me). 

Mom picked me up from school at half past two (school ended at half past one...) Kaitlyn have said that we will go home together by her car, because our homes are near to each other, but my mom isn't okay with that. It isn't miracle that I hardly have friends anymore, when they are so f#cking scared to see my mother! Sometimes I just think that why the hell my mom needs to be so selfish, that's MY life not HERS! 

And I know that she is "worried" from me. But this is going too far... I am already sixteen, am I ?!! I am old enough to take care from me and my oxygen tank. My mom is so fucked up... When I am involved to some kind of accident. All she worries is my nasal cannula and tank. She checks all insurance papers ect. I hate her so much.  At once I was at the car accident and at the ambulance paramedics asked from my mom that ' what has happened? ', ' Is your daughter okay? ' she just answered ' yes she still does have cancer '.  After that she was delivered to mental hospital for two weeks. And I was sended to foster family for couple of months. 

Still from my mental health problems... As you know I do have an depression. I don't go to therapy. I do have a support person and at school I talk with school psychologist twice a month. That is such a shame for my parents. Because I should be that perfect health girl with no harm for them. But sorry not sorry I cant be their perfect illusion, except those good days I still do have cancer, and it does determine my life a hella much! 

A/N

So here are a first chapter of this, but I am so tired, because I literally needs to do same work a twice. Yes I do have a Finnish copy of this story in my google. I still need to translate it to English version. I hope that you enjoy from this. That's not my first story itself but this is  first story that I will upload to here and translate to English. If you like, please leave comment or add this to you library or something - of course if you want to :-)