Itzy imagines

rainy days-ryujin.

clairo- how did i ever (demo)

if by chance- ruth b

sparks-coldplay

ryu x gn!reader

wc-1298

you got together while you were both still schooling. she was bright, had her circle of friends, already knowing her future route, and had a great relationship with her parents, so there werent any external factors that couldve led up to what was happening this instant. well, ryujin had everything in a girl you were looking for, but as resident school all rounder, pressure had built up within her, and she often found it hard to open up, or rather, shes not communicative, you see.

you first realized it when you walked into the school dance room to fetch her home the day before her performance two years ago, to see her sobbing silently in the corner, unbeknownst to her, your heart broke at the sight. that very day was one you met a different ryujin, not bubbly, seizing every opening to tease you, but one that just buried her face into your shoulder, and cried hard, as if breaking down. you were friends before, close ones, but this was a sight to behold. as optimistic of a girl she was, for the first time you were hearing about her insecurities spilling out while her hands searched for comfort, legs around your waist while you sat on a chair, with her on top of you. seeing her so shattered, you pulled the hood of her garment over, put her hands in your pocket, carried her bag and left school grounds, getting her in your car that you had loaded with snacks.

"you make me feel very safe, you know that? others might see me joking around and mixing with different crowds, playing ms popular, but all ive wanted was stability, thank you for that" cracking into all smiles, her lovely dimples made an appearance.

following that, shes never shown tears to anyone else, and it was strange, as she was warming up to you so much, it was obvious to her friends you two were a thing. attached to the hip, when she spots you on campus, you'd be met with a string of teases, hand holding, and your response, petting her head, which she only allowed you, would always summon the little nose scrunch which always made your heart swell.

as time goes by, your love for the said girl has grown stronger and deeper, and looking back at it, it was only leading up to this steep fall.

as usual, you were on one of your dates with ryujin, sweeping the streets window shopping, the dreaded call came. you tried to ignore it, but conscience was knocking at your door.

"hey if you keep looking at it wont magically pick up you know", she gave your hand a tight squeeze, and you both found a place to sit down before you decided to call back.

That call, was found to be made by the university admissions office that you were expecting.

It was supposed to be a happy moment, you should have been excited, but here you were faking your best smile, breaking out in cold sweat, with ryujin seated beside you, palm over yours, letting you have a sip of her iced macchiato to calm you down.

It wouldve been a happy day, if you applied to a university that wasnt a few thousand miles away, that was. You knew how much ryujin was growing on you, and you were at a loss as to whether you would still be able to be there for her as much if you were going to be that far away. The congratulations that came through the phone, and every following call by your friends felt like a tug at your heart.

Ryujin, of course, took it like a champ, she hugged you tightly, gave you a "knew you would make it", and took you home a while after. You were confused as what to do next. Confused with how ryujin dealt with it, and suddenly you were in a daze. Ryujin naturally was happy for you, because she was proud of you, as a girl friend, best friend and as a part of the future you wanted but it was as if part of you did not want her to be happy you were leaving. You knew you wouldnt be able to keep it up, the friendships, relationships and co-curricular activities would all have to take the backseat once you settled into uni. Your immigrant parents depended on you, and you also worked your ass off, balancing school and work together, so you knew you had to make this phone call.

A bubbly ryujin picked up, while on the other hand you were a sobbing mess by the time you heard her family members take turns congratulating you. well if you felt fucked before, you definitely felt worse about what you were about to do next.

crestfallen. this word you felt most deeply when the next paragraph spewed out of your mouth. you had to play bad guy card now, there was no use turning back.

"hey ryu i think we need to talk. " hearing that, her smile dropped.

"so, ive been thinking, when i go off for uni, i will be busy with curriculum, and getting a part time job, and ill have to attend extra language classes as well. I dont know if, you know, we will still be a thing. Dont get me wrong, we've had an amazing two years together, stepped into adulthood together, grew up together, but its really unfair to you if i dont spare you any time as well. I'll always love you, but for now i think we have differing priorities, and if we do meet again, thats up to fate. "

god. you sounded like such a douchebag right now, and you were aware of it.

ryujin surprisingly calmly accepted it. She would be lying if she said she understands, because she was not in your shoes, and she understands that you always had a very different perspective. She knew you werent a risk taker, and once youve set your eyes on something, you will get it, so she mustered up all her courage to give you a response devoid of any hurt.

"I love you a lot, you know that right? I hope everything works out for you, really, youve worked painstakingly to get to where you are today, and please know youll always have a chance with me and my heart. It mustve been hard to get this out, thank you for your honesty, hope we're still friends, you couldnt have loved me better".

with that, she hung up. you could hear that she was trying to hold her emotions in, but it felt so bittersweet. just hours back you were both thinking of your futures, yours without her while hers with you. guilt consumed you, you sat in the corner of your bed, tugged your sheets into your face, silently crying into it. sobs escaped you, lips trembling, wordlessly hitting your head on the wall, it did not help that your wallpaper was of you girlfriend, or rather, ex girlfriend.

were you really thinking that you wouldnt have time for her? deep down, the loser romantic you knew that you truly loved her and would take time out of any day for your girl. what were you trying to pull? were you genuinely worried for the relationship, or for her? Afraid that she would hesitate to give you a call, that nights would be spent crying at silly misunderstandings, that she would not feel content with her shell of a partner halfway across the globe, that she would not have anyone to introduce physically to her friends, that she would leave you one day?

you were. and you had to bear the emotional weight of your actions.