Itzy imagines

solace-yeji.

your soul-rhodes (slowed&reverb)tw: self harm, mention of bladesyeji x gn!readerCharming by nature, it was your strength, and one of the many things that was so magnetic about you. You were adaptive, it was no problem securing corporate deals and as a result you rose through the ranks of your office in no time. But as much as you were honey-tongued, you could never get out of the tight grasp your words have gotten you, extra overtime hours at work, a few more cups of coffee to buy for your colleagues you knew were taking advantage of you, and your charm and need to people please formed a large chunk of your mentality, leaving you unable to articulate your true emotions. Your mind was like a pressure cooker, with your emotions on the brink of oozing out with every day that passed. But you knew better than to release your anger on people around you that deserved nothing but love, so you turned to the next best alternative, the one that kept you going through your schooling years.As much as it sounded crazy, the blade brought you relief, for you could finally let loose of all your anger, and finally feel something other than the constant need to outdo everyone. The sharp edge made you feel.The pain brought you back to your senses, to keep you performing at your peak, and soon you would find yourself admiring the stripes on your skin.After a long meeting, you decided to take your girl out for dinner, after sitting in your chair for a few straight hours you smelt funky, so you decided to take a quick shower.But you couldn't help but follow your routine, as your eyes locked onto the case that was hidden inside your cabinet, so when you stepped into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, you gave yourself a hollow, sad smile. How pathetic, you thought to yourself. You pleased everyone around you, but lacked the capacity to please yourself.Picking up the blade, you started with delicate little grazes of the blade against your thigh, intensifying into deeper slashes, then proceeded to blankly stare at it. The blood swirled in a thick velvet before being diluted by the bathwater, becoming a transparent light pink. It was almost like a little science experiment, and you were lost in the mesmerising vibrant red. It reminded you even of the little harmless peppermint drops.DripDripDripIt was not a good thing to do to yourself, of course you knew, but it brought you comfort like nothing ever could, you even had to keep the invincible facade up even to yeji because you know how much she has on her plate already. It was an unrelenting cycle of discomfort, and you had to exert it somewhere after all.You realised that you had taken a suspiciously long time for a "quick shower", and that now you had followed through with your routine, you carelessly slapped a large enough plaster onto your thighs, your mind still in a blur, not registering the dangerous possibilities that it could result in.Big mistake.Donned in a comfortable t-shirt and sweat shorts combo, you both strolled into the little family-operated restaurant tucked away in the corner of your neighborhood, and proceeded to order your favourite dishes.It was an even bigger mistake to wear white. It was a rainy day, so naturally a steamy bowl of buddae jiggae came to Yeji's mind, while you stuck with simple japchae and picked at the banchan given.It was as if yeji knew you didn't have much of an appetite, as she offered you a spoonful of the hot stew, but accidentally spilled it onto your shorts. The burn only registered in your mind a little later, but you knew not to make a fuss out of it, or your secret would be exposed."y/nnie are you alright? I'm so sorry I wasn't careful with the soup!Let me see if you are scalded anywhere!"With a little annoyance and fear in your voice, you instantly spat out a "NO"."hey I didn't mean it, sorry, it must've hurt." she gave you the space you needed, temporarily.With that, the whole walk home was silent, just the soft occasional pitter patter of the very last of the rain drops that accumulated on the brick red roofs.Like the very last time you would be able to hide the truth from her.With a bottle of iodine solution and cotton pads, yeji slowly shuffled into your shared bedroom, making her presence unknown as she saw how unwelcome it was earlier.The muffled sound of her socks against the carpeted floor failed to wake you, as if a literal sign she had successfully broken into your very last defences. Her guilt was eating her up and she could not sleep knowing that she could have at least made sure your wound was taken care of.As she crept up next to you, she lovingly gazed at you, your familiar features gracing her sight, the little snooze now and then bringing a grin to her face. She quietly rolled up her sleeves, and squeezed a few drops of iodine solution onto the cotton pad. Gently rolling up the hem of your shorts, she spotted the scald, but her heart did not prepare her for the sight of the accompanying stripes.Some purple, some red, some were in the shade of a dark brown, you name it. The scars from the battles you had to fight with yourself everyday, all while appearing to be a beacon of hope and positivity to everyone else.Her palms hovered over your thighs in disbelief, sparing no time to cover her agape mouth, tears threatening to spill, while she simply froze. Just when she thought she had broken down all your defences, she realised she was still only loving you from afar.You were the last person she would expect to do such a thing, and it hurt her even more seeing that you had been suffering in silence, for god knows how long, while she selfishly spewed all her troubles to you without ever listening to yours. You fed others with humour and the promise of reliability, that proved to be too much for you.Trying to swiftly make her way out of your shared bedroom to wipe away all her tears and decide on the next best course of action, in her head she was concocting a way to approach you and come across in a concerned, but unannoying way, seeing as to how agitated you were earlier.But your girl was a clumsy one. On her way out, she knocked over the iodine bottle, and the sound of a glass flask colliding to the ground, becoming millions of little fragments withdrew you from dreamland immediately. You shot up from the comforter in a blur."Yeji? Are you hurt anywhere?".You had the capacity to love, care, nurture others all while you were withering.That was her breaking point.Her legs gave out on her at the doorway, and her tears were an endless stream. Her hands trembling at the thought of losing you, and helplessly she worked her knuckles at the door frame, as if it would relieve you of any suffering.Oh. she found out. Cat's out of the bag."hey i can explain..."Her emotions and her body were at conflicting ends. She wanted nothing more than to engulf you in a hug, but now she feels as if she's part of the problem.Wordlessly, you took a seat beside her, and took the initiative to wipe her tears away. "hey don't cry sweetheart" followed your little sad smile, which led to even more tears oozing out of her tear ducts, and full-on sobs. You scooped her up in your arms as you sat on the floor with her, drawing little circles around the small of her back while she bunched up the fabric of your t-shirt, crying into your neck. Deranged sobs came out of her mouth while she bit on your collar, with her snot and tears all over your shirt. You leaned back, leaving some distance between you before you tuck all her hair behind her ears and placed a chaste kiss on her nose."Hey shouldn't you be comforting me in this situation?" you jokingly whispered, only to receive a few hard fake punches on your chest, and heavy breathing, followed by blubbering and even louder cries from yeji."Why didn't you tell me? I feel like such a useless girlfriend." was what lingered in her mind, but she could only afford broken sentences and unintelligible mutters you made out to be"please don't leave me y/n, i love you so much i would do anything to see you happy, let's work this out together, i'm sorry you had to suffer in silence. I can't lose you to this, I have so many things I want to do with you, so many smiles i've yet to put on your face.""You must've been so scared and tired."Watching her, confident, adorable girl, turn into a sobbing mess ripped at your heartstrings. Seeing her so.. defeated."I'll try." was all you could get out of your mouth, though you knew it was not going to be easy, now there was someone that would be there with you every step of the way.You knew you had to talk to her sooner or later, perhaps her realisation was a heaven sent intervention that got you this far.What yeji promises, she delivers.Steps backward when the journey proves to be tougher than you thought, to rest up and look at future milestones, and steps forward, to celebrate achievements and inch closer to your shared destination.You found solace in her presence and you learnt that it might not be a good idea to underestimate your girlfriend's patience.Hi everyone, if you read this, as cheesy as it sounds, i can be your yeji too, a online acquaintance, friend, sister or anything you want me to be, drop me a message if you need to talk, or even rant in my requests, i'll try my best to always be here for all of you. Please seek help if you need to, but if the thought of help scares you because you have a fear of being vulnerable, you can maybe try keeping a diary of sorts maybe. If you've had bad experiences with professional help, you're one big tough cookie, and please don't stop fighting your own battles.Please love yourselves, I've only had the realisation that only I'm going to be capable of loving myself for the rest of my life and be there for myself when others that might love me can't be there for myself. I used to sh and i'm really glad i managed to stop, because i've gotten to know itzy, and listen to so many songs, enjoy pure little moments.I actually saw from another creator's post (i forgot who) that someone requested a reaction of itzy to their s/o self harming so i got inspired and wrote this, so shout out to the creator although i don't think i did a great job writing it.