Heir of Deception

Chapter 20

Sweat dripped down her brow as Della finished the last of her excercises. Today's training had been grueling, for more than one reason.

First was Della's own awkwardness, she'd hardly been able to look her father in the eye. Every time she did she was certain that he could see her insecurities broadcasted across her face.

This was just so difficult, on one hand she knew she was reading too deeply into the situation with each of the males. But what if she was right? What if they did actually hate her and just didn't want to say anything.

To make things worse her father had lead her through intensive magical drills this morning that had her fighting to keep consciousness. Part of it was her own fault she hadn't drank enough water yesterday and drank more alcohol than she normal.But all the same it was a tough training. And passing out in front of her father would probably just make him hate her more.

Fenrys had been absent from the groups morning practice. Which was potentially a tender mercy. He was escorting some merchants in from the continent. She would be meeting with them for dinner and wine this evening to observe Aelin and Rowan discussing trading with them; she was not exactly looking forward to it.

Jarret on the other hand, had pretended that she didn't exist. Usually, her, him and Lysandra all trained together on the southern portion of the field, however this morning he had set up on the opposite end. And any attempts Della had made to get his attention he had willfully and blatantly ignored.

She'd had to swallow her tears. Crying would have been the only thing more humiliating than him ignoring her. She knew Lysandra had noticed but thankfully had not pressed Della. She knew that she wouldn't be able to stop her tears if Lysandra had asked her. However Della was suspicious that Lysandra would broach the subject as soon as they were behind closed doors. So Della had spent the workout trying to calm herself and attempting to reherse what she would say to her friend.

She was unsuccessful.

Her vision was fading out in black and white bursts and her body was getting this strange weightless feeling to it. Deciding that it would be more embarrassing to pass out, Della gathered up her mock sword and shield and quickly made her way to the water station. With shaking hands put her stuff away and rushed for the entrance to the castle.

I am not going to pass out. I am not going to pass out. I am not going to pass out.

Miraculously Della's private pep talk worked and she made it to a dark servants passage. She sagged against the wall resting her hands on her knees trying to quell the shaking and the darkness clouding the edge of her vision.

Could this day get any worse?

"Your highness?" came a tentative voice.

A young boy stood in front of her holding a pitcher of some type of alcohol. From the scent of it the stuff had to be potent, it made her more nauseous and she groaned in discomfort.

"Are you alright your highness?" the boy eyed her nervously. He clearly wanted to help her but was unsure of how to do so. "I can fetch my mom, she can help. No wait, a guard would be better. Just hold on and I will get a knight to come help."

"No! Stop!" Della stood up abruptly, stopping the boy in his tracks. The drink he was carrying sloshed dangerously close to the edges of the pitcher. Her vision faded out again.

She took a breath, then another. The boy still tensely waiting for her instructions. "Please" she took a third breath. "Please don't get anyone. I am fine I just need a moment." another breath. She gave him a tired smile. "to catch my breath."

He nodded wide eyed. She inhaled yet another breath, hoping to regain some control over her body, she focused on her breathing; counting it out slowly and paying attention the scents around her.

One.

There was obvious and pungent scent of the alcohol the boy carried.

Two.

The passage had a hot, oily scent to it. They must be close to the kitchen.

Three.

Something sweet, maybe pumpkin and cinnamon? Also youthful? The boy. How a person was able to smell young was beyond her but the boy smelled like a fall treat and like a child.

The shaking in her legs subsided slightly and her mind no longer seemed so cloudy. Perhaps this counting trick would be something that she used again. She felt more aware of herself and her surrounding which in turn helped her feel a touch more in control.

A strange, yet familiar scent tickled Della's nose. Lysandra. Della opened her eyes to see the gorgeous woman entering the hallway.

"Here, let me help you to your room" she said.

---

Della sat in her receiving room sipping water. Lysandra dutifully hovered nearby with the pitcher. Both of them were sweaty and tired but the shifter wasn't going anywhere until she was sure that her friend was okay. Both physically and emotionally.

"So..."

Lysandra raised and eyebrow at that. "Would you like me to start with a lecture on how important it is to stay hydrated? Or do you want to talk about why you have been so tense this morning." she said. "Which by the way don't think I didn't notice the way your father or Jarret behaved."

Della took another long swallow trying to further delay this conversation if only by a couple of seconds.

Lysandra pinned her with a look, unimpressed with Della's stalling.

Stalling further, Della said "I know I need to drink more water. It won't happen again it's just that last night was a disaster."

With a nod Lysandra encouraged her to continue.

"Life here is more complex than what I am used to dealing with. There are so many people who's feelings I need to consider. And I am not referring to politics, I mean just with in our..." Della trailed off unsure of what term to use, court felt too formal.

"Our family?" Lysandra gently suggested.

The word rippled across Della. Sending strange thoughts and feeling across her consciousness. A family, she had considered Annore to be her family but that had been technically false. And when she had learned that a portion of her blood-related family was still alive she had no real connection to them. Now she knew her father and cared for him as well as many of her cousins they still didn't feel like how she thought a family was supposed to feel. She was uncomfortable with the term but to know that Lysandra considered her family was humbling.

"Yes, our family." Della said. Perhaps families didn't have to have a specific feel or structure, perhaps they just were what a person deemed felt right.

"It's just my father seemed so...so distracted last night and I am so nervous that I upset him or embarrassed him. And what's worse is that was before I snuck off with Jarret and Fenrys is right I shouldn't have done that. That was foolish and immature and stupid. I could've caused so many people to get hurt or worried and I abused my position here in court. And now Jarret is not speaking to me and I cannot figure out what I did wrong there. It just feels like there are so many things that I am doing wrong all of the time; that I am constantly upsetting the people I care about. All the people here are so intelligent and capable and strong. While I am not I am none of those things. Nor am I skilled in magic or combat. I may be centuries old but I am I naive, I know nothing of how the world works and you all have suffered and worked so hard to change the world for the better and I just have shown up and demanded so much, yet contribute nothing to you all much less to the people of Terrasen or Doranelle. I feel like I am not good enough and that I will never be good enough"

Once the words were out Della shuddered at the truth of them. She was afraid that she wasn't good enough. She hadn't even admitted that to herself and now to be so vulnerable with Lysandra was horrifying. Della immediately opened her mouth to begin back tracking but Lysandra raised her hand to stop her.

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1442 words

Hi all! I hope you all had a great Christmas and New Years! I am so sorry for such the long break, I had a little bit of a hard time getting back into the swing of things since coming home from vacation. But I so appreciate your patience with me and hope you guys enjoy this new chapter. I am excited for the chapters to come! :)