It's Not All Roses

Chapter 7

I slowly began to get myself back on the right track. I began going out again, but I usually only went when it was dark, and I was alone. It was more peaceful that way. I made sure to bring something for self defense when I went out, since my neighborhood is kind of sketchy. I always walked Dominic home after dark. On my way home, I took the chance to take a slight detour to the park. After 30 minutes or so, I'd walk home.
I liked the night sky. It's dark indigo hue lit up by millions of stars. It was a beautiful sight. I could hear the creek water rushing beside me. It was perfect. The moon was full and bright, the air was chilly and crisp. I loved the peace. I wished it could stay forever. I wished I could feel that same peace forever. Sadly, it was getting late, meaning that the peace would have to end for the night.
I walked home under the star-lit sky, down the empty sidewalks. Once I got home, I went into my room and laid down. I turned on the tv, and watched anime for a bit. Around 11:00 pm, I went to the kitchen to make something to eat. Everyone else was asleep by now, so I tried to be as quiet as I could. I crept around, grabbing ingredients, utensils, and a pot. I decided to make ramen, it was quick and easy. Once the food was done, I took it back to my room. I wasn't really supposed to, but my mother never did anything about it, nor did my stepfather. They knew I would just keep doing it anyway, and I think they stopped caring about it at this point.
I still hadn't gotten over that horrible dream. It still stuck with me. I couldn't sleep peacefully anymore. I began falling asleep later and later, meaning I woke up later and later. Almost missed the bus once or twice.
One night, I was so tired that I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted sleep so badly. I didn't care if the dream came back or not. I was so tired. I slept peacefully the whole next day. I needed it. Badly. The next morning I woke up, and felt so much better. I even decided to go out and spend the whole day with Dominic. I missed him. It felt nice to have him right there again. We walked around town like we used to, just the two of us having fun, not a care in the world but each other. It was perfect. God, I loved him. So, so much.
After that day, my sleep schedule improved, but it was still pretty bad. I still struggled to sleep sometimes, but I ended up forcing myself. I knew I needed it, so I got it. It took 4 days of forced sleep for me to finally sleep without force. It was only an hour or two at a time, but it was better than nothing. Anything is better than nothing. I had to think about it that way, it helped. It made me feel like I was getting somewhere. It made me feel a bit more proud of myself in my journey. I was still surprised at how much progress I had actually made with myself. Looking back, I was so much worse with things before. Getting here was a big jump from the past. A bigger jump than I thought I would ever be able to accomplish. I guess I proved myself wrong. I'm kind of glad I didn't give up. If I did, I wouldn't have gotten to see myself get anywhere. It was an amazing thing, seeing myself get better after all the pain. Finally brushing everything to the side, and beginning to focus on the things that actually matter in life. That's the thing that helped most. Focusing on things that matter, instead of dwelling on meaningless fights and difficulties that would have been easy to solve if I wouldn't have given up on them. Hey, at least I learned something from them. Never thought I would. I thought they would just be things of the past. Just small little things that would stick for a while.
I laid down on my bed that night, feeling satisfied that I made all that progress. For the first time in a while, I can go to sleep happily, with good thoughts, and no nightmares. That was a relief. Even if it was only for that night, I was happy to be sleeping peacefully without a struggle. Hell, I was happy to be sleeping at all. I kinda thought that I just... wouldn't. I thought I would never be able to again. I'm happy to say that I had a good dream that night. One that opened my eyes a bit more. The next morning I woke up, feeling like I wanted to start doing something again. I just couldn't put my finger on what I wanted to do. I had to reach deep down to figure it out. I wanted to start an old hobby. No, two old hobbies. Two hobbies that always made me happy, no matter what. And it started with talking to two of my oldest friends, Kory and Alicia. It had been a long time since I had talked to them, or even thought about them at all. I missed them. I was excited to have them back.