Degraded

Chapter 19-Derek

Should I read it? The same question keeps running through my mind every time I look at the journal in my hand. It feels wrong, but right.

I have waited patiently to get my hands on this, but I would have never expected her in a million years to just give to me. I don't deserve to read this. It's not mine.

But...

She just gave it to me. She told me, told me to read it. It would be a waste of time if I don't. I would never discover what Chris really left behind if I didn't read it.

It is like there is a battle inside my head and it is a split tie. A 50/50 win and lose, leaving me at a loss of what to do.

After some internal arguing with myself, I decide to just read it. To get it over with. I take a deep breath and open to the first page and read.

When I finish reading the first page, I realize what this whole journal is. It's a legacy he left behind for others. He wanted people to remember him.

I flip through the handwritten pages and I realize it was never finished. It is about three quarters done. I am guessing he was planning on writing more.

~~~

Stepping out of class, I internally prepare myself for what is about to happen. I mentally cheer and encourage myself even though I know in my head it is not going to go well.

While reading the journal last night, I started questioning my decision of looking at it. It wasn't made for everyone in the world to know. It was specially written for someone close to him. His sister.

I have actually developed feelings for Sam. I love the way her eyes light up at the smallest of things, how she is so strong through hard times, and how compassionate to others.

She is going through a hard time, but she knows others are going through worse. She never complains, judges, or criticizes others, yet other people do it to her. They don't seem to realize the person she is. They never give her a chance.

She is gorgeous. Her blue eyes show the Earth and sea, wisdom and kindness. Her brown hair falls in small waves, but is cut to a medium length that complements her face.

I have fallen for her hard. I jump from the top of the Earth, vulnerable, and plummet down, either being saved by her or falling hard, ending up crashing down on the dirt and soil. My heart broken forever.

"Hello." I greet Sam, trying to hide how nervous I really am.

"Hi," she answers awkwardly, "can we talk somewhere more private?" She eyes the people staring at us.

I don't know if this means she wants to talk about getting back together (always trying to stay hopeful here) or something else.

"Sure." I answer. We shuffle to a deserted area in a corner where nobody would expect anything.

"I think we need to talk about this. I don't want to leave you and be enemy's forever. Yes, it was wrong about what you did, but I think you deserve a second chance. I really think you have changed." She states, I breath a sigh of relief.

"So are we okay? I know everything won't come straight back to normal, but, as I said, I really have changed, and I think it shows." I respond, holding my breath because I think I pushed it too far.

"I need some time." She states simply.
That's a start.

"Talk later?" I question.

"Yeah." She answers, and I don't think she notices, but she smiles to herself. I love her, I think.