59 Finding A Place To Read

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              +Liam's POV+

After lunch, I pay and take Raleigh's hand and lead her back into the town decked out in Christmas. Unlike me, Raleigh had pleasant Christmas memories; those she thinks about often. Throughout the years, I spent a few Christmases with their family but usually I was stuck at home with my mother. Christmas was always hard with her, especially after she killed my dad. She always complained about me wanting decorations up or wanting to mail letters to Santa. She broke the idea of Santa for me the first Christmas without my dad. Even now, I can remember it clearly.

      I sit at the old wooden table in the living room, writing a letter addressed to Santa. This year I really want a toy car. Like the one I showed my dad when I was at the toy store with him. It was a 1967 blue and my dad told me how he always wanted one like that. I add a picture of my dad and I and fold the letter, placing it in an envelope. I lick it and address it to Santa at the North Pole before holding it close to my chest and walking over to the couch.

        "Mommy, can I have a stamp?" I ask as I see her laying on the couch with a bottle in her hand, a cigarette in the other as she pulls it to her lips she looks down at me.

      "Why?"

      "Because...I'm mailing my letter to Santa." I tell her, holding it up to her. She sets the bottle down on the table next to her and looks at the envelope. Once she reads it, she laughs. I smile, it's the first time mommy has laughed since daddy died.

       "Santa doesn't exist." Mommy says and I look at her.

      "W-what? Yes he does!"

      "No he doesn't. It's just a joke parents come up with! I'm the one who gets you presents! I'm the one who takes care of you! Not some fat ass white guy who is addicted to cookies!" She yells at me and I start crying, trying to get my letter back from her. But her arms are longer and she holds it out of my reach, smiling at me failure.

      "Mommy please! I need to send that to Santa!"

      "Didn't you hear me?! Santa isn't real!" She yells at me, pushing me back and taking her lighter to my letter. I scream and go to grab it but she tosses her cigarette on me and it burns my chest and I throw it off. It hits the carpet and I panic, grabbing her bottle of whatever and tossing it on it. When I look up, she's glaring at me with my burning letter in her hands. She throws it to me and it burns me but I throw it on the wet spot in the carpet and then stomp on it.

      "Now go get me another bottle and clean this mess up."

      The memory starts to fade from my mind until I'm left with the imagine of my father and I looking at that car. I smile thinking about how happy he was talking about cars. God, I miss him. The holidays aren't easy but they aren't as hard they used to be. I guess I have Raleigh and her family to thank for that. Delilah and Ryder always made me feel welcomed during the holidays. Delilah was truly the closest thing to a mother I had growing up.

      "You okay?" Raleigh asks me, pulling me out of my thoughts. I smile and tighten my grip on her hand.

      "I was just thinking about the first Christmas I had without my dad." I answer with a shrug.

      "Oh..." Is all she says but I laugh at her response, knowing there isn't anything you can respond with after that.

     "It's okay, it was a long time ago and plus I got plenty of good Christmases with your family. And we'll have a lot of good Christmases as a family. It's okay." I promise Raleigh, pulling her in for a kiss.

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