Not Quite Like the Movies (Otis Milburn x OC)

J-Dog Almost Dies

Chapter XXVII

As Asking for Treble starts off with their performance of "We Don't Have to Take Out Clothes Off", Abby winces. God, this has always been one of those songs that's made her cringe: like cherry wine is really classier than taking one's clothes off?

"Apparently Fiona Brady is patient zero," Eric explains. "She had an orgy at music camp and it spread from there."

"The hell? Is this supposed to be American Pie Presents Band Camp," Abby asks.

"It is highly unlikely that this many people have chlamydia," Otis says. "I think this is a classic case of mass hysteria."

"Like that time everyone thought we'd get bombed by North Korea because of a Seth Rogen movie," Abby says. "Well, I mean, that was an American thing. For some reason, no one threatened the UK for Sex Lives of the Potato Men."

Of course, this acapella performance is particularly cringe-inducing for another reason: the three way girl fight on stage between Fiona, Martha and Gwen. Well, hell, the fight wouldn't have been so bad if not for the other a capella group members struggling to keep the show going in the backgroud.

Eric tskes. "They are butchering Jermaine Stewart," he comments.

So, really, when Otis gets a boner, Abby doesn't feel skeeved out by her boyfriend getting horny over this or turned on. Just relieved she has an excuse to pull him by the hand and walk out.

"Come on," she says, "Let's just go."

After all, the more time they waste in the assembly, the longer she has to look at the back of Conor's head and think about what that pervert said to her. Jerking off Otis isn't the same thing as telling him what's going on, but it's something. It means she doesn't have to think about how the other guys treat her now, and maybe that's enough.

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The last three months have been pretty shit for Maeve Wiley. Over winter break, there was a reprieve, because at least one friend would show up to the mall for her fifteen minute break. After all, considering the manager at Pretzel Parlor is some old geezer who always wants to spend break talking about 'kids today' and what her generation needs to learn, the option of spending time with literally anyone but him has helped her come to appreciate Eric. Hell, it was how she learned Eric can actually be a lot of fun. But now that school is back in, other than the occasional text, nothing really breaks up the monotony of her work day. Well, other than the pensioner who just has to have a ratio of 80 percent chocolate to 20 percent pretzel. She only wishes something, anything interesting would happen.

So when she see her mum pushing a pram of all things through the mall, Maeve can only say she should have been careful what she wished for.

She can't believe Mum went out and had another baby when she already abandoned two children. She can't believe Elsie's grandma actually let her mum have her back. She can't believe this woman is forcing her to think in italics. And of course, as soon as her mum sees her, she tries turning back around and running away.

Maeve ditches the pretzel stand as her boss calls after her, "Wiley, get back here."

She ignores him and chases after her mum, who runs away from her like Gabriel Hammond and Kanye West running from the NAACP. Maeve follows her mum halfway across the shopping center before finally finding her hiding (poorly) in a Shaws.

"I can see you," Maeve calls out from the other side of the window.

Erin Wiley pops up from behind a towel display. "Hi, Frogface," she says back with an all-too-casual smile. "It's me, Mum."