The Broken Generation

The original family disappointment

Stepping out of the portal she appeared in her favourite place in the whole world, the library of the New York Institute. She looked around, her eyes sliding from one familiar bookshelf to another, savouring the smell of old books that reached her almost immediately. She let herself feel relaxed for a moment.

But then her eyes landed on the person sitting behind the desk with lion feet. Tall, handsome and blonde, a spitting image of his son, there behind that desk sat Jace Herondale, Vic's father. He was a good few years older than when he fought in the war but he still looked almost the same. The years have been kind to him and you could barely tell that his 45th birthday was coming up. Victoria gulped visibly, instinctively moving to stand behind Theo, knowing what was coming. A speech that would end it all. Noticing the commotion in the room Jace looked up, glancing at the four teenagers in the room.

'What did you do this time?' he sighed, dropping his shoulders and putting the papers away, knowing that he won't be able to get back to them for a while.

'We found those two in an alley behind the Pandemonium,' Oliver said giving his father a pleased look, knowing that his sister was in trouble. That bastard, she thought.

'Okay but in our defense,' Vic started holding her arms up looking at her father. 'In our defense.... Well I have nothing to say. But know, know that we had it under control,' she said ignoring Alex facepalming at her friends stupidity.

'That's the time you can't come up with any excuses,'Alex whispered, hitting her friend on the back of her head at which Vic let out a startled yelp.

'Oh yeah, we saw how under control you had it,' Oliver remarked. 'With Alex in the dumpsters and you helplessly waving your blade your only luck was Theo actually shooting the demon.'

'You asshole that's not true!' Victoria yelled, lunging at her brother. But she was stopped by Theo grabbing her before she could do any damage.

'Thank you Theodore,' Jace said, clasping his hands giving his daughter a disapproving look. 'Victoria what did we tell you about going hunting?' he asked.

' Come on, it's not like you did not do it when you were my age, I mean you fought in a fucking war!' she tried to defend herself and her friend.

She felt so angry at him that she could almost see red. Why could her parents not understand that she was doing it to make them proud. And okay, she was not dumb, it was dangerous. But that was just the normal shadowhunter life. If she died, she died. It's not like she even could imagine life after 25. She was prepared to die young and honestly? The idea of death fascinated her.

Her father fixed her with a glare: 'That's not the question I asked,'he said to her in an angry voice. 'You don't know what you are talking about. Those were horrible times for the Shadow World. You do not want to live through a war,' he continued getting a distant look in his eyes as he remembered how things used to be.

'Good job sis,' Oliver said, nudging his sister.

'That's not what I meant,' she quickly tried to save the situation. 'You know what I meant,' she croaked.

'I know,' her father told her. 'But you need to think before you say something. Okay now, kids. You two,' he pointed to his daughter and her brunette friend. 'You will clean the weaponry. Theo, please could you keep an eye on them?' he asked the boy.

'Of course Mr. Herondale,' said Theo who stood leaning on one of the bookshelves trying to avoid the tension created between the three Herondales.

'Thank you. Oliver?' he said, turning to his son. 'You can join Tanya in the kitchen, since you failed to arrive at the club when you were supposed to.

'But...' Oliver tried to protest, coming up with a foolproof story as to why he was late.

'No buts I have seen you with Zoe Nightshade,' Jace said focusing on his son whose ears have gotten red at that statement and the chuckle coming from his friend.

'They are onto you,' Theo said laughing at him.

'Okay kids you are dismissed. Go take a shower and in an hour report to your duties,' said Jace, picking up the papers from his desk after shooing them away.

Vic exited the library with Alex in tow going straight for their rooms through the many corridors of the Institute.

'You were quiet,' Vic said to her friend with an accusatory tone.

'I have learned not to interfere with the Herondale business,' Alex answered

'That's probably a smart choice. Okay see you later,' she said to her before entering her room. She just barely registered her friend saying bye to her. She was spiralling.

She knew she was in a familiar environment and that she should feel safe but she didn't. She was feeling weird. The blue walls of her bedroom suddenly seemed to move, the bed in the middle of the room and the dresser with the bookshelves were stretching. It all seemed unreal. She could feel herself being yanked into her head, everything around her zooming by.

She knew she should feel bad for what she did. She felt stupid for not keeping her mouth shut but she did not feel the guilt. She knew that she should have. But she did not feel anything. Inside of her was just emptiness, a blackness when she thought about it. And it was frightening.

She sat herself on her bed to keep the world from spinning and shrugged off her leather jacket. Her hand slowly found the dagger on her belt grasping it into her right hand and stretching her left arm out. She slowly put the tip of the blade to her outstretched arm and pulled while applying pressure. Her blade was sharp but the cut was jagged, still more of a scratch.

She had learned previously that it was not as easy as it seemed to draw out any actual blood. She was not sure if it was because she did not want to do it or if she was completely useless at that too. But the pain she felt helped. It helped her ground herself, it stopped the surroundings from stretching out and zooming about and most importantly, it stopped the screaming. She hated the shrill voice inside her head wailing like a police siren .

She cut herself, line by line savouring the pain. At least I can finally feel something she thought with a little smile. She put the blade on her night table and went to the bathroom, shrugging the rest of her clothes off.

She turned the shower on, letting the water warm up before hopping in. She loved the feeling of water, hot on her skin almost burning her. She let the water fall over her, avoiding getting it into her hair, feeling the sting in her arm. She stood there for a very long time, letting herself relax under the hot water before stepping out and putting on her underwear and bra.

She caught a sight of herself in the mirror. Oh how she hated looking at herself. She used to be skinny, but ever since she started taking her meds she gained good 30 pounds. It was weird seeing fat on her body, not that she was complaining, she used to be a real skeleton before. Still she was waiting until she got the feminine shape. She was flat like a board and had almost no hips. She hated her body but she hated her face even more. Nose too big, large pores and forehead more like a five-head. Hair like straw, long, white and straight and always getting greasy. She did not feel beautiful at all and she was of the opinion that every girl was beautiful. But that did not seem to apply to her. And now to add to it, eight lines, red against her pale skin. She could not look at herself any longer.

She pulled on an old oxford hoodie and some leggings, going into her room and finding her stele. She pulled her sleeve up and applied an iratze on her forearm, watching the rune disappearing along with the cuts on her arm.

Checking the clock she cursed under her breath, seeing that she was already 15 minutes late. She grabbed her phone and ran out of the room, colliding with something and losing her balance.