Ashes

JAX

My computer needs an update. Or I need a new computer. This one is at least as old as me, maybe even older. The screen is frozen, and I smash the keys.

"Just open the search engine for fuck's sake! It's all I'm asking for!", I yell. I smash the keys again just for good measure, the screen goes black, and it stops buzzing.

"No... No, no... I didn't mean it like that. Come on! After all we've been through?", I say panicking. Everything about my parents is on this computer. I can't lose it like I lost them. The machine starts to buzz again and I breath a sigh of relief.

"Maybe it can hear your thoughts?". I turn around.

"Look what the cat has dragged in...Fancy to see you here", I say. Demon sits on my bed with The Magazine with raised eyebrows.

Who's the perv now?

"Still you, it's more appropriate for my age", Demon says. "Not that I'm actually looking".

Of course, you aren't. It would be against the rules too, right?

"No, I'm just not a perv like you".

Some might think you're flirting with me.

"Some might think you need to get your head out of your ass", Demon retaliates.

Why are you here?

"Because I got some news for you. You're moving". I stand up and clench my fists.

No, I'm not.

"Yes, you are, it's not my decision, and we can't do anything to change it".

Oh, so you're just obeying orders?

"Yes, I am. And you should too".

Is it because of her?

"Yes".

Then she moves!

"She can't. She's living with her parents, are still attending school an-" Demon says before I interrupt him.

"And she's not a lost cause!". Now I'm yelling.

"Jax, I need you to calm do-".

"No! I'm sick and tired of being a pushover! I'm not moving!". I feel my face getting warmer. I feel the sweat from my temples running down the side of my face.

"Jax! It's happening again!". Demon looks at me worried. I turn to the mirror on the wall, and I'm met by my own reflection. Or a reflection that used to be me. My normally grey hair has turned black and my blue eyes red. All of it. A dark wine red as if they were flooded with blood.

"Jax, come on. Control yourself. You need to stop this from happening", Demon says, and I look him in the eye.

I want to rip out your throat.

"You can't do that".

But I want to.

"Jax, snap out of it", he says. I didn't hear a tremble in his voice, but I know he's alert. I can't hurt him, but it doesn't stop me from hurting someone else.

I can't find it.

"Look harder", he says maintaining the eye contact.

My brain is a puddle. I can't find it!

I found it.

I found the meadow.

My inner peace and secret place. I keep in deep inside of me, so no one can steal it. It's my dearest place and memory. It's the only memory I have of my parents.

"Mum, see! I can run from here to there in two seconds. Dad, you count! Now!". A little boy runs from the single tree on the meadow to a big, cracked stone.

"Dad, did you count?", the boy yells. A man with glasses laughs and his light brown hair is ruffed by the breeze.

"I did, and it was less than two seconds! My boy, you're the fastest kid on Earth!". The boy laughs and runs back to the man.

I can't remember their faces.

I can't remember their faces.

"It doesn't matter right now, you're back to normal", Demon says. He's looking in The Magazine again. I look in the mirror. Same old Jax.

Is this why Mind hates me?

"They don't hate you; they just don't know what to do with you".

How did this happen?

"We don't know. We think it's a trauma response you've developed by yourself. You had it when I was assigned to you".

I hate it.

"I know". Demon places The Magazine on the bed. "I don't want you to move either, but as I said: It's not my decision, and I can't do anything about it. It's for you own best".

It's because of her. I didn't do anything.

"It's not because you did something, it's because you might will. And Mind can't risk that. So we're packing your stuff simply because it's the easiest and most efficient way of separating the two of you". Demon looks at me. I can see the sadness in his face.

I want to speak to Mind.

"What? Are you sure? You can only have one Conversation. Don't use it on this minor inconvenience. Jax, use your fucking brain".

I'll rethink it, but don't be surprised if I say it again.

"You always have a way to surprise me. It keeps me on my toes". Demon smiles.

Well, something must get you out of bed in the morning.

"We're cool?", Demon asks. He seems nervous. I let out a small sigh.

Yeah, we're cool. I'm sorry.

"Great." He stands up from the bed. "Then I'll make some dinner. What do you want? Tacos? Pizza?", he asks and rolls up his sleeves on the black jacket.

Why are you only mentioning take away items?

"Because we both know I can't cook to save my own life, so to make it easier for both of us, and maybe not as deadly for you, we'll order take away", he says and grins.

But you don't have any money, do you?

"I took $30 from your wallet earlier when you weren't looking. So yes, technically I do have money", he says and starts laughing.

Asshole. Okay, dinner on me. Where's my phone?

"Left inner pocket of your jacket", he says and sits down on my bed with The Magazine between his hands. I go grab my phone from the jacket.

"It's so ugly".

What? My jacket?

"Yeah. Worst red ever. And why would anyone want a red denim jacket?".

They didn't, that's why it was in the dumpster.

"That makes sense".

Shut up.

He smirks while looking at The Magazine cover.

Perv.