Ashes

JAX

You don't know what a Thinker is? Well, let me enlighten you then:

A Thinker is a person, but not a human being. You can't see MY Thinker, only your own (If you're lucky enough to have one). Having a Thinker is not a good thing though. It's frustrating as hell.

Anyway, let's get back on track:

A Thinker is a person, who works for the government. They are assigned to a child if it seems like the child is having trouble distinguish between right and wrong. The Thinker is a tool, which is supposed to learn the child how to distinguish bad from good.

There's just one problem:

My Thinker is an asshole.

Let me introduce myself: I'm Ajax. You know, like the cleaning detergent. Obviously, my parents had a good sense of humor. I'm messed up, and then they choose to name me after a cleaning detergent.

I hate my name.

Call me Jax.

Anyway, my Thinker is this guy-ish looking person. He has a name too: Demon. Not Damon, but Demon. I didn't choose it though; the government chose it for him. I'd have chosen something else like Arrow or maybe even Satan (I'm sorry, I'm just really pissed, but we're getting there). Demon never did anything wrong except for being an asshole - I'm not angry with him: I'm angry with the government.

You're only supposed to have a Thinker assigned until you're able to navigate society as a "normal" person. So, I have had one of these fuckers for 12 years. They see everything - And I mean EVERYTHING!

And you might already know why I'm mad. I'm soon not 17 anymore - I'm almost 18 and I still have one of these fuckers clinging to me.

"I can hear you", Demon says.

We're in my apartment. I moved out as soon as I got the chance. My parents never said a word about me moving out, so I guess they're fine with it. We don't talk much - We never did. I like my apartment. It's close to the center of the city, so I can walk there if I want. It's not big though. It consists of two small rooms, a kitchen (barely!) and a bathroom (again: barely!).

"I know", I answer, "that's the whole point". I turn around in my office chair, look at my Thinker and lean back with my hands behind my head. Demon is sitting on my bed with a book. His eyes had been fixed at the words the whole time I had been thinking, but not anymore. His eyes are fixed at me now. He closes the book and sighs deeply.

"Do you even know, how I feel about this situation?", Demon asks. His emerald eyes are drilling into mine. He looks scary, when he does this.

"Nope, it's you, who are the Thinker, not me. How should I know?", I answer and close my eyes.

"Maybe that's why I'm still here. You still have absolutely no clue about, how to behave towards other human beings", Demon says. I open my eyes. Now he has my attention.

"You're not a human being, Demon. You're a Thinker. You just behave like a human being, but you aren't one. I'm the only one, who can see you. I'm the only one, who can hear you. The rest of the world don't care about you!". Now I'm mad and I'm yelling, which I know is a very bad idea, since he (again!) didn't do anything wrong. I'm the problem and I've always been.

"Jax. Stop. Behave. You're hurting my feelings an-". He says while he's adjusting his blond hair.

"YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE FEELINGS!", I yell. "You can't feel anything! Why are you still trying to act like a human being?!". Demon looks at me eyes wide open. His hair falls down, covering his eyes.

"You never yelled directly at me before", he says. His voice is shaking, and he seems scared. He's not supposed to be scared. That has never happened before.

"Demon? Are you scared of me?", I ask. He stares at me blankly. In one moment, he looks confused, in the next, not so much. He straightens his back and lifts his chin.

"Scared? As you just said: I can't be scared", he answers almost mechanically.

"Demon, what are you even?", I ask. He keeps staring at me. He stands up abruptly still staring at me.

"Jax, how long have we known each other?", he asks. I blink.

"Around 16 years, why?". I have no idea where he's going with this. We had these fights before: Me saying something uncomfortable to him, him just accepting my anger and frustration. But this one is new. Now he's acting like the moralically teacher he's supposed to be. Maybe he's running a fever. Can a Thinker get sick?

"Correct - And I believe that after 16 years of seeing me, you would remember just some of the things I've been trying to teach you. But you don't, and, I believe, that's why I'm still here. Because you are too stubborn and too much of a little brat to accept the fact that you don't know everything", he says very calmly.

He told me this before, just not like this. He is frustrated at me. He is angry with me. But he's not supposed to. Is he acting calm right now? What's wrong with him?

I know, he's right though. About me not behaving well. About me being a 'little brat'. I know. In the deepest corner of my soul, I know. But even if I know, I can't do anything about my behavior since I'm a lost cause.

"Sorry", I say while I sit down. "I'm truly sorry". Demon blinks. Once. Twice.

"No, you're not", he says and turns around only to disappear and leave a trace of ash behind.

"Could have been worse", I shrug and turn around to look at my computer again.