Dog Collar

That Happens

That Happens

The summer of 2015 would alter my reality

It changed my landscape forever because it awakened the truth

The truth that people accept but do not describe

The truth debated by those who do not suffer

The truth in which I'm both villain and victim

How short my skirt or how much alcohol I consumed will dictate which

But the sad reality is that the truth wasn't the choking

It wasn't the weight holding me down

Or the pressure on my back I could so vividly feel

Neither the way I was ripped in two

Bent over and muffled

The tent heat smothered in sweat and his panting

Friends giggling outside intoxicated

Yet despite this heightened sensitivity my mind was numb

I thought about my exams

How pretty the sea looked earlier that day

I could hear the bass from the carnival tents far away

Little did I realise I would not be able to drown this out

This would scream into my consciousness a few days later

It would awaken when I was drunk for years to come

Every touch a boy gave me would feel violating

PTSD flinches at the gracing of my waist

Yet the scar I carried was not unique

Its not special nor is it significant

The violence committed

The crime I was selected for

Was not noteworthy

Because the truth came when I told my mother

She did not cry nor did she make a fuss

We sat in the kitchen and she continued with dinner

When I told her the events she simply said, 'that happens'.

And it does happen

It would happen several more times and probably a few more

It would tumble into new forms of aggression

Manifesting as perhaps a drink problem, an 'act of love' or better still the walk home from a club gone wrong

I fail to remember when I felt safe at night

It's an unspoken fear that women run home 

With keys cutting through knuckles, a friend on the phone and tracking our locations

When was this now the rule and not the exception?

When were little girls taught this?

When did Barbie leave and unicorns fly away to leave rape alarms and bottleneck stoppers?

When do you explain to a child that they will be raped?

When do you explain to a child that you're going to be violated?

Touched, control and the fear that will hold you

It'll be silence as they gorge on your body

They will feast on your soul and damn your spirit

Your heart will become cracked and shattered

You'll invest in better wine, stronger drugs and more expensive therapists

Anything to drown out the violence

But this won't heal

It won't disappear

Instead all we can do now is accept our fate and the next girls fate

I dread the day I'll turn to my daughter say

'That Happens'.