Remember

V

Im seeing him tomorrow...
I don't know why but I'm scared, i feel uneasy, stressed, nostalgic ?

I've always wished for a love story out of a fuckin' movie with all the thrill, the rush, the adventures, and even the little bit of danger...
i wanted to feel that deep emotional shit inside of me...

I don't know if I've felt it, it I'm still feeling it.
Is it ever going to stop ?
Every time i say; that's it you're moving on and you're not dealing with that story again, i fuckin' find myself here ? Thinking about all the details to have a perfect meeting with him ?

Am i that desperate ?
I mean why did i even suggest to work there if it's not for him, it wasn't to help her, i just snatched the first opportunity to fuckin' be with him everyday at least for 2 weeks, see him, talk to him... but i won't lie it was hard talking to him... i honestly don't know why because we used to laugh and talk all the time, but now it's tension - Always were but got intensified -
It's like i feel shy or intimidated ?

He was pretty intimidating...

One thing i know for sure is that i really am done trying so hard to get noticed, i still am trying though to see him when i go there, but my heart, won't be reaching for him anymore ;

My heart will flutter when i see him from afar.
My heart will speed rush when i walk towards him.
My heart will melt when i lock eyes with his and he smiles.
My heart will beat fast again because the tension is always there.
Then my heart will bleed even more when i walk away knowing that i probably will never see him again... (at least not for a long time)
And my heart will break again when i turn around and i notice that he already moved on with his day like nothing happened.
He never looks back.
I fucking do.

It is really sad and painful but that's it.