Serendipity

I have the thing

"Whatever you want," I say, meaning it. Sydney blinks.

He opens and closes his mouth several times, and I watch his eyes cloud over with all the options as they fill his mind.

"I mean, I can also just let you go," I add hurriedly. He stares at me for several seconds, then bursts into laughter.

"You-" He gasps, tears brimming in his eyes at the intensity of his amusement. "Really-"

"What?" I frown, but then I chuckle, his laughter infectious. "What're you talking about?"

"I mean-" He coughs, curling up underneath me as he tries and fails to stop laughing. "I mean- you're such a-"

I let go of his hands and rock back so I'm straddling his waist, and as soon as I do he covers his mouth and takes a deep, shaky breath. He closes his eyes.

I count the seconds until he opens them again, but as soon as our eyes meet he snorts, barely suppressing another fit of laughter.

"Sorry-" He reaches over and grabs my hand. "I keep laughing whenever I look at your face."

I make an offended sound and press my free palm to my heart. "I'm not that ugly!"

"No-" He laughs, then sniffs, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. "I didn't mean-"

"I'm just teasing you."

"I know," He shakes his head, covering his eyes with one hand. "But I need a minute. Otherwise I'll keep laughing."

"Can I still hug you?" I ask, leaning slightly closer. He smiles.

"Sure."

And at that, I lean all the way down and slide my arms underneath him, not pulling him up but just kinda laying on top of him. After a minute he coughs.

"Can't..." He pats my back urgently. "Breathe!"

I sit up, concerned. He coughs again, but he's smiling.

"You're funny," He says after catching his breath. He props himself up on his elbows and tilts his head back so he's looking up at me.

"How so?"

"One minute you're super mature, and the next you're asking me for a hug."

"Is that...bad?"

"Not at all," He shakes his head. "I think it's cute."

"I'll have you know," I raise my head and tilt my voice back so it comes out in a haughty British accent. "I'm not 'cute'- That would be you."

He blushes. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," My voice falls back into it's normal accent, and I lower my head. "Unless you'd rather me call you something else?"

"Like what?"

"Uhm," I frown, thinking, and then it comes to me. "Hamster."

"What?" His voice is half disbelief, half amusement.

"Hamster," I repeat. "Like what we were talking about earlier. That could be your nickname."

"I refuse to have that be my nickname," He scoffs. "And anyways, nobody would get the joke- we'd have to explain it every time."

"We could just tell them you eat grass-"

"Ate," he corrects. "Past tense. I don't do it anymore. And I only ever chewed on it- I never actually swallowed any."

"Eat, ate," I roll my eyes. "Same thing."

"If you dare tell anyone that, I swear on whatever deity you want me to swear on, I will break your kneecaps."

I cough, pulling my knees slightly away, though I stay straddling him, since I feel like at the rate this conversation is going I might need the advantage this position gives me.

"And anyways," He shakes his head. "Why are we even talking about this?"

"No idea."

We stare at each other for several seconds.

"Any thoughts on what you want me to do yet?" I ask. He blinks.

"I forgot to think about it," He says. "I was more focused on these knees." He slides his hands down and massages them. I raise one eyebrow, extremely confused and slightly concerned.

"O-okay," I say slowly. "Well, I'm gonna go get a celery-"

But the hands on my knees slide up and grab me, holding me down when I try to stand. I glance down again and see a determined look on Sydney's face.

"Wait," He says. "I have the thing."

I open my mouth to ask what it is, but he continues without waiting for me to even form the words.

"Kiss me."

I blink, and so does he, as though he only just now completely understood what he said. He blushes, but the determination doesn't fade from his gaze.

"Go on," He prompts, tilting his head back slightly to give me a better angle.

Now, my thoughts are all but completely scattered, and it takes a moment before I can make my mouth move.

"Really?" Is the word that comes out. The way it slips between my teeth, a whisper barely managing to get past my lips and out into the open, should make me feel at least slightly embarrassed. But all I feel is a confusing mixture of excitement, doubt, worry, and overwhelming fear. It feels almost like a meeting.

The excitement hides behind the other feelings, whispering things about getting to kiss Sydney again under it's breath and clapping it's hands quietly.

The doubt stomps it's feet and declares that this must be some sort of joke. It grabs worry and shakes it's shoulders.

Worry yells incoherently, though the general tone suggests things about how wrong everything is definitely going to go.

The fear reasons that, based on past events, if and when I do kiss him again, the barriers between us that I've worked so hard to break will reform. I'll do something to mess it all up again, and everything will come crashing down. Maybe he'll even kick me out of his house. Not let me sit with him anymore.

Worry agrees with fear, and doubt throws in some extra terrible fantasies that have Sydney giving me death glares and such for pizazz. Excitement slinks back, still there, but making sure to stay in the shadows of the others.

"Hello?" Sydney's voice floats through the turbulent, foggy tornado meeting that is my brain, forcing me back into the present. "Anyone home?"

"Sorry-" I wince. "But...are you sure?"

"I asked you, didn't I?" He tilts his head slightly to one side. "Of course I'm sure."

I open my mouth to voice more of my concerns, but suddenly, Sydney has grabbed my shoulder and pulled me down.

"Shut up and kiss me already," He whispers.

Doubt and excitement leap forward, astonishing the other two, who stumble back.

Deciding it's better to just do as he says, I lean forward and tilt my head to the side as my lips press against Sydney's.

After a moment, I pull back.

Doubt, worry, and excitement all hold their breath as I do the same, studying Sydney's expression.

"See?" He grins. "That was nice, wasn't it?"

Relief washes over the others, leaving only excitement bubbling at the top.

I smile. "It wasn't that bad, I suppose."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He grabs me again, this time using both his arms and legs to push me over so he's on top. He pokes my chest as he settles into a comfortable position on my stomach. It makes it harder to breathe, but I don't particularly mind.

"I dunno," I shrug, my smile widening. "I guess you'll just have to help me conduct some experiments so I can figure it out."

"I guess I will," He slides down, pressing his grinning lips against mine.