Angel of Death

Chapter 27: Lost souls

I don't think I've ever seen my mom like this before. Her eyes are open wide and something that looks like fear and confusion running through them. She doesn't move, doesn't take any steps forward. She just stands there staring at Harry as if she couldn't believe he was really standing in front of her.

"Mom?" I say, snapping her out from her thoughts.

"Oh my god, are you okay Alex? Did he do anything to you?!" Before I can begin to realize how confused and surprised Harry also looks, she runs to me and hugs me. Her arms are so tightly pressed around me that it almost hurts.

I shake my head, "What? No, he didn't do any-" she doesn't let me finish as she lets go of me and turns around to face Harry.

Her voice is full of loath as she speaks. "If you touch my daughter, if you ever lay hands on her then I swear to god that not even the devil himself can help you!"

He laughs coldly, "Do you really dare to put the faith of your daughter's life in the hands of god?"

"I swear on me. I swear on my own life that I'll kill you if you ever hurt my daughter."

"What's going on?" Nina mouths to me from the other side of the room.

I shake my head. I have no idea. This isn't my mom. My mom would never do something like this.

"Stop it now!" I shout, tears starting to build in my eyes. "D-Don't touch me!" I jerk away from my mother's touch as she comes closer.

I back away, so much that my back hits the wall and forces me to stop. "Alex, are you okay?" My mother scans me up and down as if an answer to her question is hidden on my body.

"No I'm not." I say, fighting the tears. I won't cry. Not now, after I just had stopped crying. I'm not that weak. I'm not going to cry, I promise myself. Not now.

"What's happening?" Nina looks at me, at my mother and then at Harry.

"Answer her." I say, to both Harry and my mother. "Answer her now!"

I don't know what's making me act like this, might be the fight that I had with Haley earlier or just the simple fact that I have no idea what's going on in my life. It's like it's not even mine anymore. It feels like I've been thrown into someone else's life by mistake and can't seem to get out. Like I'm stuck here trying to find my way out and the closer I get the far away it appears I actually am.

"I don't have time for this. I'm out of here." Harry rolls his eyes at me before turning around and the anger starts building up in my stomach.

"You're not going anywhere!" I scream, hoping that those four words will stop him from moving towards the door but they don't. "Harry!" I scream and now he turns around, his hand resting on the door while he smiles at me. "I'm sorry Alexandra."

"Don't you talk to my daughter." My mom's voice is threating and now Harry smiles at her instead. But it's a whole different smile. This one is tighter and smaller.

"Don't tell me what to do. The last thing you want is making me angry. And while you're at it, stop with the threatening as well, it won't get you anywhere except for exactly where you don't want to be. You know you can't escape this, you've always known that sooner or later you'd have to face the hard truth. And here it is. Step back. Don't make it any worse."

"This cannot turn into anything worse."

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

Harry slams the door as he closes it after him and my mom is still staring at where he was standing just seconds ago, looking as if she might explode at any moment.

"What was that about?" I almost scream, I'm too tired of never getting any answers. Too tired of not knowing.

"Nothing." My mother mumbles.

I shake my head, "no, that was not nothing." I say the tears starting to run down my face. "Alex I'm so sorry." She says as she sees me like this, she steps forwards but I keep shaking my head.

"No! I-I don't want to talk to you!" I scream and when I do so my mom's eyes widen in surprise and fear. It makes me feel sad for her, she's taken care of me all those years and I repay her by acting like a child.

But I just can't shake the pain away. Knowing that Mr. Stanley and Harry were keeping something from me is nothing compared to knowing my mom is.

"I don't want to talk to you ever again if you don't tell me what's going on! What are you keeping from me?" I dry away my tears but it just keeps coming more and my mother's eyes are red. As if she might cry at any moment. "Nothing. Alex, I promise." She says. I look her in the eyes, she's lying. I know my mom well enough to know when she's lying to me.

"Have it your way." I say and with those words I walk out of the toilet room, smashing the door behind me.

I get strange looks from students as I run through the halls of our school crying, but I don't care. I need to get out of here.

I run through the parking lot and I can hear my mom and Nina call for me, but I don't answer. I don't stop running. I don't know where I'm going, but it doesn't matter. There's only one place I want to be at right now, and going there is impossible. So I go to the closest place to it instead. The cemetery. I run to Coldwater's city cemetery.

My legs are hurting, my whole body is hurting. But it's nothing compared to the pain in my chest. When I arrive it's like something washes over me. A feeling. Relief. I'ts a strange place to feel relieved at but I love it. When my dad died I used to visit this place a lot, so much my mom thought it'd drive me insane and forbid me to come here anymore. But I still came here, I always ran away and my mother always knew where to find me.

You can't come here stupid! This is the first place she'll check when she finds out you're not at home! I remind myself.

But it's like I can't control my legs, they walk over to the corner of the cemetery. A big oak tree is lurking over my father's grave. At this place there aren't much graves, only a few. At first I didn't like it. I thought my father should be next to all the other graves but now I'm grateful he isn't. He wouldn't have liked it. And it's much better here, it's easier to be alone. It's easier to talk to him, to feel him.

I sit down on the ground and I let my tears fall as I stare at the gravestone.

Nicholas Caldwell

beloved husband and father

1961 - 2004

I keep staring at the gravestone and the more my eyes bury themselves into it, the more I hate it. I hate the words "beloved husband and father" as if that was all he ever was. My father was more than that. Everyone loved him and he loved everyone. He was the kind of person who believed in second chances and he was the one who learned me that there is good in everyone. That just because someone might hide it so very well doesn't it mean it isn't there. He wanted to make the world a better place, he wanted to help everyone.

But the numbers are the things I hate most. The numbers and that thin line inbetween. Placed in such a way that makes me want to break the whole stone in two pieces. His life was more than eight numbers. His life was more than just a thin line.

I turn around, let my eyes wander through the many other gravestones on the other side of the cemetery. Some of them blooming. Filled with flowers and candles while others were just... forgotten. And that sends a shiver through my spine. It's so sad in a way. That you die and no one remembers you. Everyone forgets you, as if the memories you created here suddenly ceased to exist. As if all the things you ever did was just things that delayed your time here on earth. Because in the end, memories are everything we have. And if they fade away, then so do you.

Will I be remembred when I die? The thought had popped up in my head several times before but I never really cared to bother about it. I always told myself that it didn't really matter. But now, sitting here, seeing the unfortunate destiny of all these lost souls, I deeply wish I will. I want to be remembered. I want people to visit my gravestone, not to grief or wish me back or anything. Just to keep my memory alive.