Sheeeeeeeeeesh - Shrek x Sussy Baka

Chapter 1

Hi! This is my first story so sorry if it's kinda bad 

Enjoy!

The day started normally. Shrek had just gotten out of his wooden shower. He dried off his moist, green ears and put on his white sweater and plaid brown pants. He didn't have many plans for today, except for watch whatever stupid stuff was on TV, or he could try to find a date. He decided to watch TV first. He turned on the TV and listened to the news for a while.

After 2 hours of watching the boring news and falling asleep, he woke up and decided to at least try to find a date. Last month, he went on a few dates with that vegan teacher, Dora the Explorer, Obama, and Trump, but those didn't really end well.

That vegan teacher kept bothering him about not eating animals, but the next day, he saw her at McDonalds eating chicken nuggets AND flirting with the McDonalds statue. So he tried dating Dora the Explorer, but after 2 days, he got annoyed of how she would ask the "audience" for help every time something was wrong. (She was also caught cheating with Diego). He tried to date Obama, but he rejected him because he had like a wife and kids, or some other stupid excuse.

At last, he tried going on a date with Trump. Things were going pretty well with him for a few weeks, but then Trump started this crazy habit of drinking hand sanitizer, and it was pretty bad. Everyday he came home to Shrek and was super drunk over hand sanitizer. Shrek didn't like this so he tried to help him stop the habit, but turns out it was harder than he thought. After months of trying to help, he finally gave in and ate some hand sanitizer. "This is pretty good!" Shrek said, and after that they were besties for ever. UNTIL, one day Trump came home and said, "I killed ur Minecraft dog lol." Shrek was FURIOUS. "HOW DARE YOU KILL MY MINECRAFT DOG WHTA WAS THAT FOR GRRR" Trump tried to convince him it was just a joke, but Shrek wasn't buying it. After that incident, Trump went missing. We'll never know what happened I guess.

Anyways, after that incident, Shrek decided to take a break from everybody. But right now, he was feeling pretty lonely in his small tree hut and wanted someone to love. Later that day, he went on his computer and started searching. 

Wikihow: How to find a lover

Step 1: Say hi. Try to be nice first! Introduce yourself and get on good terms. Then, after you become friends, ask them out! Bam. Now that ur dating, get a ring and propose! Then you live happily ever after! Yay 😀 

"Yea, there's no way that works" shrek said. He tried doing that with Obama but got stopped after "hi".

507 words

Hey guys! Just finished my first chapter. Hope you enjoyed this so far!

Thoughts on the chapter and words of criticism 👉

Have a great day/night!