Fighter-A Phan Story

Chapter Nine

It was all a blur to Phil. Restless nights, whispering Dan's fears away, seeing that hopeless look behind his chestnut brown eyes. Time had passed, he'd said things that he hadn't meant, and it was numb and robotic. At first, Phil meant what he told Dan. All of the amazing things about him were all true. But if you say things too much, do they lose their meaning?

Or does it have meaning, but it's isolated far away in the back of his mind, shut away so that Phil couldn't comprehend it? Was there anything still there? Yes, Dan was the one who was depressed, but after awhile, Phil began to feel hopeless. Not hopeless for himself, but hopeless that his friend would get any better. His want to die was much stronger than Phil could ever fathom or even reach.

It was like he was trying to save him from drowning, but the younger one kept pulling himself down. Dan  wanted to drown and breathe in nothing but water. He wanted his lungs to give out and his mind to accept it. He wanted to die underneath deep blue water with the sun shining down to the bottom like a ladder to safety. Phil would always try to pull Dan up the ladder, but if he didn't want to climb with Phil, then he couldn't be saved.

If Dan didn't have the want to live, then Phil couldn't make him.

The pair got up and got ready for their day. After spending a lazy afternoon watching movies, they decided on going into town to get out for a little while. As usual, Dan took his medicine, Phil asked him if he did, Dan said yes, and they went about their lives. They weaved in and out of shops, buying what they wanted to. The brunette grabbed Phil's hand and told him that he loved him. Phil repeated the phrase.

"Phil?"

"What?"

"Do you really love me, or are you just saying it?"

"I love you."

"I don't think you do."

"Why would I tell you I do if I don't, Dan?"

"You don't want me to kill myself. You only tell me it because it's what I want to hear. You know that I'm only living for you and that I love you, so you tell me you love me too," Dan explained. His voice was shallow and emotionless.

Phil said nothing.

Dan looked at their hands and then dropped his to his side. "That's what I thought."

"Can we talk about-" Phil started.

"I'm gonna go for a little bit. I need some alone time," the brunette cut him off. He turned around and started walking away, his hands in his pockets.

Phil knew better than to let him go like that. But when he turned around to stop Dan, he was gone and lost in the sea of people.  Without knowing exactly what he was doing, Phil took off running.

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I think this story is ending next chapter. What do you guys think? Sorry for any typos x