A Brief Intro to BDSM and CGL

Things to know when starting out in BDSM

SSCL

One of the most common and well-followed rules that many in BDSM practice is the idea of Safe, Sane, Consensual, and Legal. If a practice does not meet these qualifications, it is generally not accepted by the BDSM community. While BDSM can be dangerous, the idea behind it is to not attempt anything that could cause serious, long-lasting, or permanent damage to an individual.

Is it safe basically asks "Will the person be ok at the end and have all safety precautions been taken?"

Is it sane asks "Would a person of sound mind be willing to do this?"

Is it consensual asks "Has the other party or parties involved given their approval for the activities about to happen?"

Is it legal....well this is straight forward. Illegal activities can have very serious consequences, such as fines or jail time, so it's important to know what is and isn't legal in your area.

Consent and the Power Exchange

CONSENT IS A BIG PART OF BDSM! And in case you didn't know, consent is ALWAYS sober, informed, not coerced, and enthusiastic. That's "and" by the way. Not "or". It must be all of those things or it does not count. Moving forward without having consent can be mentally and/or physically damaging and it can be counted as abuse or rape, depending on what occurred. So to put it simply, ALWAYS HAVE CONSENT! And don't be afraid to say no to something if you're unsure or uncomfortable with it. Even if you consented before. Consent can be withdrawn! Now let's discuss the power exchange. Too many new people in BDSM come in thinking that the Dom(me) has all the power and the sub does what they're told. This is not true. The Dom(me) only has as much power as the submissive consents to. When a submissive agrees to allow the Dom(me) to dominate them, they are engaging in the power exchange.  Basically it means that the sub holds all the power unless they decide to hand it over to the Dom(me). Note that a Dom(me) is not obligated to accept a submission. If a sub does submit and it is accepted, it does NOT negate any boundaries, hard-limits, and general limitations that have been discussed previously. A Dom(me) should always work within the subs boundaries. Again, even if the sub has given the Dom(me) power, that does not mean it can't be withdrawn at any time for any reason. If a Dom(me) is ignoring safety protocols, for example, the sub has the right to stop the scene and withdrawn their consent. If a Dom(me) does not allow you to withdraw, that's a sign of abuse. They do not care for your well-being. They only care about control. A Dom(me) can also withdraw ownership at any time as well.

How to set boundaries and limitations

This is vital to beginning any new BDSM dynamic. Your boundaries and limitations will vary based on what you personally are comfortable with. They may also not be rigid and strict, but they do need to be set and talked about with any new partners. An example of a non-rigid limitation would be a masochist who sometimes may not feel up to something as harsh as a whip, but may feel more at ease with a riding crop or bare hand. They may be alright with a whip at times, however. And its ok to let a potential know that some limitations may be flexible. The partner simply needs to double check before performing the activity to make sure they are consenting to it. It may sound like a bit of trouble, but it only takes a few seconds to ask and it makes sure that everyone is consenting and happy. Other boundaries or limitations may be very strict and rigid. For example, someone may have the hard-limit of no scat. Hard-limits are non-negotiable and will always be an area of non-consent for that person. If you're new to BDSM, you may not be fully aware of what your boundaries and limitations are yet. And that's ok. You're expected to grow and evolve as you explore. Never be afraid to say something is too much for you. We all have our likes and dislikes. This is why vetting is so important. It allows communication to open up and discuss where we're currently at personally and where we may want to go in the future.