A Brief Intro to BDSM and CGL

Similarities to BDSM and other things to know when starting out in CGL

Similarities to BDSM

SSCL

Just like in BDSM, Safe, Sane, Consensual, and Legal applies here too. CG/L shares some common aspects with BDSM and although CG/L is considered non-sexual, there are those who are also active in BDSM and may enjoy getting rough. Even if BDSM isn't strictly in your dynamic, it's still a good thing to practice.

Power Exchange

Yep that applies here too. Just like with a Dom and sub, Caregivers only have as much power and authority as the little is willing to give, and the Caregiver is under no obligation to accept a submission. And just like in BDSM, the little can withdraw it at any time, as can a Caregiver retract their ownership at any time.

Limitations and Boundaries

This is also very essential to a healthy CG/L dynamic. The Caregiver usually is given the authority to make rules and dish out both punishments and rewards. It's important to know what limits the little has before it's too late. For example, a little who has been through trauma in the past, may not be able to handle being spanked. All rules, rewards, and punishments should be discussed ahead of time and agreed upon by BOTH the Caregiver and the little. The little has the right to say no to something they are uncomfortable with, and it's the Caregiver's job to respect those boundaries.

Safe word and Safe sign

Even if you aren't planning on making BDSM a part of your CG/L dynamic, it's a good idea to still have a safe word or safe sign in place. This way if the little is deep in littlespace, they can still effectively communicate that something is wrong if needed.

Vetting Questions to ask a potential partners

Just like in BDSM, its a good idea to get to know your potential Caregiver or little before you decide to enter into the dynamic. It is a relationship after all. And making sure you're a good match is critical to it succeeding and lasting. Here are some questions you can ask. Note that you can always add more questions if needed to feel sure that the person is a good fit for you.

What is your role in CG/L and what does it mean to you?

What are you looking for in a relationship? (real life, online, Daddy, Mommy, little girl or boy, brat, etc)

What are your hard limits and non-negotiable terms?

List your five favorite rewards and punishments.

Are you looking for monogamy or poly? Do you want to share or play with others or do you prefer one-on-one?

List five things that make you angry. How do you handle being angry?

How and why did your last two dynamics end?

What are your thoughts on aftercare and how do you approach it?

How did you learn about CG/L and do you feel you still have more to learn?

Are you, or are you looking for, a sexual or non-sexual little? (a sexual little is one who is comfortable with adult activities, such as sex, while in littlespace.)

Are you into BDSM? If so, what are some of your kinks or fetishes?

List five good qualities about yourself.

Do you consider yourself to be a brat or a brat tamer?

How do you feel about drinking, smoking, and drugs?

Red Flags

Just like in any potential relationship, there are things to watch out for. Here a few red flags to watch out for.