The little pains.

1/17/2022 12:00am

Dad.
You won't see this.
It's why I'm posting it.
I'm fucking scared of you.
I hate you.
I hate everything about you.
I try so fucking hard to convince myself that I love you but I can't anymore.
You're controlling, abusive, manipulative.
You're the reason I bottle shit up.
You're the reason I am the way I am.
You're the reason I'm scared of men.
You're the reason for a lot of things.
And I hate you for that.
Drink.
Don't drink.
It doesn't matter.
You always are and always will be a dick.
I try to convince myself that you're trying your best but I know you're not.
I know you don't care.
I know you hate a lot about me.
"Oh I try so hard for my kids."
No you don't.
You never have.
You never will.
I mean after all, you're the father and I'm the daughter... right? Thats how things should be.
You lead by fear.
Not respect.
The respect you look for is control, and you get control through fear.
How stupid.
I hate you.
I hate you for what you did to me.
To the family.
To my mom.
To my sister.
Everything. I hate you for everything.
Fuck you.
Do you even realize how much you fucking hurt me?
Do you realize how many times you've been the only reason for my breakdowns?
You realize you're why I started self harming in the first place, right?
No of course not.
Cause you're just so fucking perfect.
Yeah as if.
I hate you.