𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐁𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐥𝐲

01

...
JANE

Love.

to think that such a 'meaningless' word that contains four letters can have such an impact on someone's entire life. love can hurt. it's a pain in the ass when you feel it at first.

at first glances, i had thought love was like those things you see in disney movies. both living happily ever after and living their best life with that person.

until after i grew up i realized that all of that love shit i had dreamed about, thought about, wanted to feel, was just all bullshit sugarcoated in glitters and pink colors to make it seem like it was the best thing ever to exist.

i WAS in love. to say the least.

crap maybe i still am.

i thought he was my everything. first love. the first heartbreak. the first ever feeling of wanting to crawl up in a hole and stay there forever consumed me.

it was draining to think that such a strong feeling can make you feel like crap. especially when that feeling is with a certain person you never thought could come back.

over and over and over again.

"FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU!" i slam my hands towards his chest as dominic backs up with each hit soon grabbing my wrists to stop me from hurting him.

"STOP FUCKING DOING THIS JANE" he shouts in my face letting spit hit my cheeks as his eyes darken while staring at me. i felt useless. i felt betrayed.

dominic stops talking as his eyes landed on the features of my form. the unbearable silence took over among us as he soon pushes me near him to let my wrists go and wrap his own arms around my body.

my head hitting his chest as i felt my tears fall from my puffy eyes while holding onto him.

this felt like a game of tug a war with morons. pulling back and forth and still not being able to fall or win.

it felt like this with dominic and yet he never lets go. neither did i. WE were the morons in our silly stupid game.

"dom..." i cried out as i felt my fingers scrunch up his shirt. he hums softly trying to calm me down as his hand places on my head to smooth out my hair.

"i know baby. i know and im sorry." he spoke grabbing my chin to lift my head up before softly giving me a kiss on my lips.

the taste of tears mixing with the soft taste of my strawberry chapstick combines together as i let him kiss me.

i pull back a bit letting the tip of my nose glide with his as his breath fanned closely near my face. "i l-love you" i whisper.

he nods kissing me once more as the silent still consumed us.

he never once said it back and yet in my head it felt like he did. like he always have.

—

"can i just please have one more week vincent. i promise you i'll have the money next time" i beg towards my landlord as he stared at me deeply in my eyes before sighing.

he's been trying to make me pay rent for the last month but i always end up begging and pleading him to let me have more time. if it was someone else i would've been on the street curbs already.

"listen kid. i get you're struggling but this HAS to end" i nod quickly understanding his frustration and where he is coming from. "but i'll let it slide once more. after next month you'll have 3 days to move out or you'll be kicked. understand?"

he points making me nod at him before standing back up. "THANK YOUUU"

i drag on as he just rolls his eyes before letting me walk around and out of the apartment building.
the busy streets of new york came to view as i started to walk towards my workplace.

it may seem easy for me to pay rent since i have a job but it's mainly hard due to trying to maintain a balance with paying rent AND paying for a possible education.

i always wanted to be a teacher. for some reason the topic of school came really easy to me, which i had enjoy back when i was in high school.

although i wanted to teach, i had no possible chance since after i graduated everything in my life went downhill.

being an adult seriously sucked. especially when you're all alone.

as i kept thinking about what had happened once more i check my watch only for me to stop in the crowd with a sudden halt and a line of profanities spilling from my mouth.

i was late for work.

i'm fucked.