𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐁𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐥𝐲

33

...
JANE

"trust me when i say, i don't think you're a monster. not really. i just think that's what you tell yourself to belittle yourself."

amber's words left my head become a cloudy mess as i sat on my sofa, biting my nails ignoring dominic with whatever he was going on about from the show being played.

after the talk with amber she told me she was heading off towards her room to finish some work as she told me it's time to head home. she assured me she wouldn't separate dominic from chloe since she knows how it 'feels' to be separated away from someone you love and care for.

i could hear dominic sigh as he mutes the tv making me stop biting my nails and zoning out—soon turning towards him confusingly.

"tell me what's wrong." dropping my hand towards my lap i give him a weird look before he stared at me attentively. sighing i give up before placing both of my legs up onto the sofa to hug my arms around them both.

"i actually went to talk to amber" dominic stops functioning for a moment before leaning himself even more onto the sofa cushions with his left arm.
his eyes never leaving mines as he sighs.

"you shouldn't have." "i ACTUALLY had to!" i burst tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as he shakes his head at me. "i had to because i felt bad. i felt bad for being with you. i felt bad for what i did"

i could feel myself slipping into a trance as dominic laughs sarcastically soon scratching below his ear before cursing under his breath. "that's pathetic jane. i told you before it wasn't your fault"

his words sinked a little too deep into my soul as i look at him. my eyes scanning his lips to his cheekbones; all the way up to his eyes as well.

i couldn't tell whether he was mad at me for going towards amber without telling him or that i still kept blaming everything onto myself. "i know.." i mutter starting to feel my nails roll upon each cuticle of mines as dominic notices soon grabbing my hands into his.

"i'm not mad at you baby. it was mostly my fault. i had committed to her. not you" i nod quietly not wanting to talk anymore about this topic for now.

sensing dominic realizing that this was the end of the conversation for now, he pulls me closer towards him now feeling his arms wrapping around me and his chin to be placed over my head.

feeling his lips soon kiss my head i kept it quiet hearing the soft thumps of his heart beating near my ear calming me down.

he was my home now. back into my arms. my hold.

my butterfly.

—

PRESENT

"so... that's all?" patricia spoke twirling her pencil between her fingers as i sigh leaning my head amongst the rooms window. "i don't have to tell you anymore of— us." "i just can't say more." i croak out feeling my throat dry at the mention of dominic.

she sighs placing her pen down and leaning forward towards me making me look at her wide eyed as she grabs my hands into her owns. "you loved him jane and that's okay" "LOVE. him patricia. love."

i correct her making her shoulders slump down soon feeling the warmth of her hands disappear as she moves back to her seat.

"but it's fine now. this is our last day together so there is nothing more you may help me with. i'm fine. i'm stable. and he's not coming back anytime soon."

patricia shakes her head at me for being so negative as she stands up wiping her hands onto the sides of her pants gently. "are you sure? we can still make another appointment anytime soon? it seems as if there is more to the story then just him coming back so easily after cheating on his wife with you."

at the mention of amber i freeze before looking up at her now gripping my hands onto the slick material of the chair i was sat at.

"what are you trying to say—" "she interrupts now walking towards the room door.

"what i'm trying to say is that i know there is more jane. i know there is more to the story than what you've told me. there is more feelings you felt. i know you were hurt. i know you love him. i know how it feels."

her hand comes in contact with the knob before stopping as a i stand up catching her attention.

"monday. same time?" she smiles giving me a small nod now opening up the door to let me out. "perfect" and with that i walk out feeling my shoulders hunch down once again before exhaling a long breath walking back home with my head a mess.

once i'm back, i fall down towards the ground seeing my books already scattered as the dim light of the living room sort of reflected onto the scribbled up pages.

with the semi-chipped tip of the pencil in hand from inside one of the pages i make a little line on the tally.

patricia visit # 173

sighing i scribble the number over top to replace it with the visit number from today. to think this has been going on for longer but i've just taken help for 173 days is insane to me.

looking through some of the pages seeing some of them from when i was still with dominic i feel tears sting my vision before shutting close the book and standing up.

it's been 2 years since he's left and hasn't came back. normally it would take him months to come back to me. to apologize for his wrongdoings and come back into my life.

but 2 years...

he's not coming back and i have to face it. for my own good. for my own help.

shaking my jacket off of my shoulders i grab my phone and open it up sliding onto our messages before deleting them one by one.

i needed a release. a cleanse. from him. from everything.