My Feelings

Never Have I Ever...

Never have I ever felt this dull, like a huge part of me is missing. Why can't life be like books or movies... Where an almost perfect guy meets an almost perfect girl, they go through rough things but in the end they always end up with each other.?! If life was like this then I wouldn't feel such weird pain that I wouldn't wish upon anybody. Not even my enemies. I know I'm not the only one experiencing this weird sensation but sometimes I wish I was. Because it's a horrible feeling.

Never have I ever been this stressed over something so "little". To me it's anything but little. It's devouring me from the inside out. It has taken up so much of my life this past month, I'm surprised that I haven't turned to something worse. I knew I loved him. I still do love him. Your supposed to fight for the one that you love. But instead I let my mom get in between the one thing that I care about most. HIM.

Never have I ever wanted to not exist. The moment I told him the news broke my heart. His expression. I should have fought harder for that love we share. But no. Instead I let my mom control my life. Your probably thinking that I'm too young to love someone because I'm only in middle school... But that doesn't matter. And your also probably thinking that I should be over him by now. But that's impossible. Every single day that I seem him with her it breaks my heart even more.

I now know what this feeling is...
Never have I ever been so... Depressed, fragile, emotionally unstable. I'm far from understanding this feeling. But what I do understand is my life is more difficult without him in it.

A/N: Ugh I really need to get over him because it's doing nothing but keeping me in a bad and sad mood. But it's so hard. I don't think I'll ever meet someone as great as him. I'm lost.