Dream Walker

Chapter 17 | Turmoil

"Me?"

That was the only thought racing through Callie's head that had enough force to cross her lips. The rest were busy swirling, growing, and multiplying. It was all her fault: the deaths, the attacks, the unease. It was worse than she'd suspected, and the guilt was pressing down hard.

A pounding started in her temple. The tears threatening to spill over were held back only by force of will. She refused to cry in front of Alex. He hadn't said outright that everything was her fault, but he didn't have to. She knew how to read between the lines.

A warm hand was lightly gripping her arm. Callie felt no pleasant warmth from the contact. The guilt continued to bubble up throughout her body. Her skin felt painful and itchy. She wanted to tear it off to make the agony stop. She settled with pulling her arm away from Alex's comforting hand.

Even through the chatter of thoughts rushing through her head, she could hear him saying something. The tone was gentle, but she couldn't focus on any of the individual words. Listening to his blathering would only worsen the building headache. Or was it heartache?

Her thoughts turned back to the picture of that happy, carefree girl whose body had been found outside the café. Eva. Poor, poor Eva. A life that was too short, an innocent girl torn apart by an uncaring creature. People could spew that "life isn't fair" bullshit, but life had been more than unfair to that girl. Her death was on Callie's conscience.

Callie stood and walked out of Alex's apartment, ignoring his calls for her to stop. She walked onto the street and began navigating back to her own apartment on autopilot. Street lights illuminated the sidewalk as she kept marching forward. Headlights from passing cars revealed more brick buildings around her. Her legs felt numb as they moved, matching the numbness spreading through the rest of her body. Apathy would be easier than emotion until she was alone and in private.

She heard Alex shadowing her as she traversed the several blocks that led her home. He said nothing, and she didn't acknowledge his presence. Solitude was the only comfort she sought. It had been a long time since she'd felt the need to consult other people while she processed difficult emotions. Her friends were great people and would have supported her in anything, but she was still a loner at heart. She shied away from physical touch and emotional support equally.

Alex finally spoke as her foot perched on the first step of the metal staircase leading up to her apartment. "It's closed now, you know. They can't come through the veil anymore, so don't worry."

She felt stupid for not even asking whether or not the veil was still torn. That was the problem with ruminating on her guilt; it distracted her from the bigger picture. People had died because she was too scared to ask Alex what was going on before. More could have died because she was too busy wallowing in self-pity. Her heart steeled, and her jaw clenched.

Without saying anything, Callie resumed her climb. She was grateful that he didn't attempt to follow her any farther. She hoped he would stay far away if he wanted to keep his pretty face intact.

Anger was the emotion governing her thoughts as she walked into her kitchen and grabbed a bottle of vodka. Anger at Alex, for withholding information from her when she could've done something to help. Anger at herself for thinking she could trust him. Anger at those fucking jackal monsters for screwing up her life once again.

The anger distracted her from the unresolved grief lurking behind the thought of those shadow creatures, as Alex had called them. They were more like nightmares that had come to life. Her first encounter with one of the creatures had plagued her dreams for months after. With her new understanding, she guessed that encounter was the first time she'd opened a portal into that world, letting one escape. It had also caused the first death she was responsible for. That was the only death on her conscience that she had witnessed, and it had hurt the most.