Golden Tears And Golden Wings (Karlnapity)

Chapter 6 - clinomania

How long had it been since he had left the room for more than a few minutes? The last few days were spent in his bed watching the ceiling above him for hours on end. Even though he felt the walls were getting smaller with each hour, threatening to crush him, he couldn't and wouldn't go outside.

Every time he left his room, even for a few moments, for example when he had to go to the toilet, he noticed how the atmosphere was tense. There, on his sofa, sat two men who were eager to talk to him. But he didn't want to talk, ignored their silent attempts to talk to him, and only escaped from his room in the middle of the night. 

He wondered how long they would continue to stay like this. Eventually, they would tire. They would give up, pack their bags, and Quackity would have his loneliness around him again. He would rather be lonely in his house without a word than have anyone bring up what happened and then leave him with painful words.

He had messed up everything and whenever the voices of Sapnap and Karl next door got louder, because their discussion often got louder, he pressed his pillows on his ears. The despair only drove new tears into his eyes again and again. Arguing made him incredibly uncomfortable, making the pressure in his chest greater. Sometimes he had the feeling that he would explode at some point, loaded with emotions. The days and nights melted together. Instead of Karl and Sapnap giving up, they only became more and more intrusive.

It scared him, made his instincts go haywire. Should he flee or attack?

Most of all, he wanted to run from the two of them and their heartbreaking conversations. A broken heart would be the end of him, which would not only cause his blindness but also his end. It would be no wonder if he died of a broken heart. The library remained closed every day and Quackity knew that would eventually draw Sam's attention to it. He hoped they would be gone by then. Rather he wanted to lose them than have them counting to Sam what stupid mistakes Quackity had started.

Mistakes that were so in keeping with the nature of his being and his illness. An eternal desire for love and protection, to which he fell victim again and again through his own stupidity. He missed love and instead stumbled straight into the abyss of grief and pain.

~~~

What did you do when you were about to be abandoned?

For Quackity it was quite clear to push the people away first. After all these years, it was a protective mechanism. The anger in his body gathered, along with the fear that had built up inside him, and everything burst out of him. Even if he wasn't proud of it, he had survived that way.

Until Karl and Sapnap came into his life, he had managed to keep most people away from him. He had Wilbur and Schlatt to thank for making him realize that it was better to do this. Now he had repeated the same mistake, and perhaps it was only right that he should be punished for it. With a painful groan, Quackity struggled out of his bed. 

Outside, he saw the darkness that had settled over the village some time ago. Carefully, he tried to blink the blurry vision out of his eye until he realized that his poor vision wasn't due to his circulation.

Fuck, Quackity thought, his gaze fixed on the door in front of him.

He had actually just gotten up to sneak into the kitchen. Every day he hoped the two of them didn't destroy his kitchen, but it never seemed like they even really touched it. Did they even eat? Cautiously, Quackity leaned against the door and listened outside. He could hear no sounds in the library or from the living room, only low snoring coming from Sapnap. The avian suppressed the trembling of his knees and the tugging in his chest, which immediately flared up, but just as quickly went out again.