A Road To A Positive Mindset: A Guide To Keep You Going As A Teenager

- Chapter Eight -

I'm a proud teenager with a physical disability.

Ever since I was a little girl with piggy tails, my parents discovered that I have SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy) and since then, my life turned out to be something crazier than I ever expected. I've been on a wheelchair basically since day one, I don't hate it, on the contrary, I love it! I love giving my family and friends fast wheelchair rides, I love having free parking spots available, I love how I'm easily recognizable, I love how I get praised for whatever I do, I love how I ride most of the Disneyland rides in one day as I skip the long lines, and I love how much it makes me special and different than everybody else.

However, it's not all rainbows and sunshine. There are days where I hate nothing more than my disability. Not being taken seriously, being underestimated, not being understood, feeling like a burden on others, always feeling pressured to be on top of the expectations of others, having difficulty to fit in, and lastly, not being given the chance to fall in love with the girl with the physical disability. As a person with SMA, I can reassure you I have feelings, I understand and acknowledge all your thoughts and I'm not stupid. I can love, I can feel all the emotional and physical intimacy as everyone else, I can do most things anyone can but the difference is, I do things slightly differently.

"Don't judge a disability by its visibility."
— Anonymous

But that shouldn't change the fact that people with disabilities are capable of love, adventures, fitting in, climbing mountains, writing books, become super models etc. as we're humans too and the disability shouldn't define who we are.

Growing up, I've always felt different compared to other girls when it comes to body image. As early as middle school I'd figured out that my body was worth less than others'. It felt like more than that though. My body felt wholly worthless. Even when I'd look in the mirror and think I looked passable, or even good. Even at prom, when I thought I looked gorgeous (not a word I used lightly with myself), it was hard to imagine anyone else would think so. It was impossible to imagine anyone finding me desirable. Impossible to imagine anyone looking at me and being physically attracted to me. It's all because of the stigma where disabled bodies aren't desirable or appreciated and that people with disabilities don't deserve to be loved.

It was difficult to accept myself, I felt odd compared to other girls my age but as I pass through love rejections and bad experiences, I learn to stop caring about how others might see me. Although I'm currently in college and never been in a relationship or whatever, but the perceptions of others shouldn't affect how I think of my body and myself. I've learned to accept my body. I love my body. It's not an infallible love yet, but it's growing and it's not contingent on anyone else. Perhaps most importantly, though, I've learned that I'm worthy, not in spite of my chair or of my body, but including them. The whole of me is worthy.

"Do not underestimate yourself by comparing yourself with others, it's our differences that make us unique and beautiful."
— Anonymous

Growing up with a disability is tough, accepting and loving yourself is a task you must achieve to be able to live with yourself. It's important to ignore other peoples' nasty comments, to never believe what your mind or the people around you would say about never finding someone who'll love you for who you are, including your disability and chair. It shouldn't be hard to fall in love with a person with disabilities, it shouldn't be an achievement to date someone with a disability, it should be normalized and interabled couples shouldn't be stigmatized but should be encouraged in society.

I've come a long way to learn that not everyone will accept you the way you are, that many people could befriend you just to be perceived as a "good" person, and that it isn't easy to fit in. Getting bullied, getting rejected from universities just because I don't "fit their criteria", and many other issues we face but things get better and there's always a way even if it doesn't seem that way sometimes.