Home for Horny Monsters - Book Six

T'was the Night before Christmas

The crisp morning air of late December filled Mike Radley's lungs with a chill that was tough to contain. He had to fight the urge to cough, and the stray hair sticking out of his scarf that kept tickling his ear wasn't helping matters. Kneeling down in the snow, he contemplated the small map of his front yard that he had drawn with a gloved finger.

"Tink think pincer move still best attack." The goblin across from him was bundled up in a thick winter jacket that she had altered for herself. Her voice was muffled by the yellow gaiter across her face. Between the magical goggles and the aviator hat she wore, only a small patch of green flesh could be seen along the bridge of her nose. "Surround invaders, bust heads."

"It won't work," Kisa growled. "There's too many of them." The catgirl wore white ski pants and a dark red sweater with a black vest. Her tail twitched behind her as if tuned in to a demented metronome.

"We need to succeed." Mike looked up at them from behind a pair of ski goggles. His eyes had long ago adjusted to the blueish tint. "The consequences if we fail..." He shook his head in disgust.

"You can't hide forever." The woman's voice had a mocking tone and came from several different places at once. "We already found your pet rock, by the way. She's down for the count."

"Dammit!" Mike smashed his map with a fist. Abella had been hiding in the hedge maze, ready to spring an ambush once the intruders moved past her. Right now, he was hiding in a gap beneath the gazebo, a structure in the center of the maze.

"Caretaker..." A masculine voice with a low growl taunted him. "I'm going to find you."

"Not if I find you first," Mike muttered, then looked over at Tink. "They're in the maze. No pincer attacks. There were four of them left at last count. Are you up for this?"

"Tink show no mercy!" She saluted him so hard that her red braids bobbed across her chest, and then she picked up a thick, wooden club and ducked out the hole.

"I'll see what I can do," Kisa added. "I don't know how they keep spotting me, though. I think they've found a way to counteract my magic." The catgirl had a natural gift for being forgotten, even in plain sight.

He reached out and put one hand on each of theirs. "Be careful out there. If we lose...nevermind. C'mon, let's go." Mike got on his belly and slid out of the hole. Around them, the frozen hedge maze had formed icy trenches that they now used for defense. Tink and Kisa were short enough that they could hunch over and run without being spotted, but Mike had to crouch to remain hidden.

Heavy footfalls to his left had him holding still while Kisa ran ahead. Mike tilted his head to peek through a gap in the bushes, but was startled to see a large pair of eyes looking back.

"Found ye!" The figure leapt over the hedges with little effort, landing in a crouch with the buckles on his leather outfit jingling. Thin wisps of black smoke drifted from the gap in his neck as he threw a pair of snowballs at Mike.

Mike's magic surged forward, leaping from his outstretched hands to cause both of the snowballs to explode in mid-air. His precognition triggered, and he leapt hard to the left as a massive snowball crashed down where he had been crouching moments ago.

"Nice trick!" He grabbed a double handful of snow and tossed it into the air, his magic striking it with miniature bolts of lightning. The snow vaporized and then froze in the air, the icy mist hovering like fog as he ducked around the corner and then dove over the top of another hedge.

"Ye can't run forever, Caretaker!" Suly called to him, but Mike ignored it. He needed distance right now, and the only way to get it was—

Turning a corner, he saw Asterion standing there with a large snow shovel full of snow. The minotaur was wearing a thick black scarf and winter pants. His torso was bare with little flakes of snow catching on the edges of his exposed body hair.